The amazing BabyK #2

I think I may have already used this photo, but you seriously do not want to see what I look like on a regular basis right now. I brushed my teeth today and that is an accomplishment since shoving a long slender brush in your mouth with the non stop nausea is uh hum well really unpleasant! So instead of focusing on me, let us talk about BabyK #2. A must for expecting mothers is to get onto the BabyCenter website and sign up for weekly baby updates. It is unreal how fast your little tadpole becomes a baby with a beating heart and ears and a pancreas! The following is some news from my 7 week update. The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo (or tadpole as I like to refer) and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of its tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Our baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry. If you could see inside your womb (which I know may gross some of you out), you'd spot eyelid folds partially covering the peepers, which already have some color, as well as the tip of its nose and tiny veins beneath parchment-thin skin. Both hemispheres of our baby's brain is growing, and the liver is churning out red blood cells until bone marrow forms and takes over this role. The baby also has an appendix and a pancreas (see I told you pancreas), which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. So you see, we really have a baby in there! It is unreal to think that this little tiny "poppy seed" at 5 weeks is now "a blueberry" and has hands and feet. I know I am pregnant and hormonal, but this work, this the work of your body is truly a miracle. I mean a miracle. You know and have witnessed other women who have carried babies, but until you carry one yourself, you don't know the magnitude of this gift. Even with severe morning sickness, I can sit back and think that I am so blessed and so incredibly lucky to be able to go down this road once again. God has given us this second child and I (we) will do everything in our power to care for it - even while in womb. I will keep this environment that my baby calls home in tip top shop. OK...dry my eyes and move on I know! So I will tell you that the nausea has not let up a bit and probably is a bit worse. Sometimes I can't even talk as I fear moving or talking may send me to the living room (or the bathroom to those of you that are not pregnant). I can eat a bit and have managed to pick up a few pounds that I lost. I told one of my Pilates clients that I lost 5 pounds and she was MAD! She said that is so not fair! Trust me, I would rather not be in this situation. This makes me have a better understanding of what my Sister-In-Law went through - bless your soul Gerry. I understand now, thought I did before, but did not have a clue...NOW I get it...in a VERY big way! Love you all!

My Name is RALLLFFFF...

OK...so if you have not read my last entry you must immediately STOP and scroll down to the last post. It is a must for you to understanding this my new name Ralllffff. Seriously...I'll wait right here!

So your back and you now are up to date with the news. Ahhh...another baby! How sweet, how precious, how am I ever going to get through this photo (see above) with the fire burning holes in my back, Vivian kicking and grunting all the while trying to suppress the bodily function that accompanies pregnancy - Ralllffff! Yes, I already feel sick, like you went out the night before and partied til the sun came up, went to breakfast with your friends and forgot to take Tylenol and drink water before bed. That kind of fuzz in your mouth, nausea that lasts ALL day kind of feeling. By all means I am not complaining (well too much) as I am as happy as can be and am so thankful I feel sick. I know that sounds weird, but this way you know your body is still doing what it needs to be doing to keep your little tadpole safe. The reason you feel sick is with every passing day - I kid you not - your hormone levels nearly double. So you think you act a bit nutty when you have a period, think about doubling your hormones everyday. And men wonder why we might be a bit testy. Hell yeah our insides are going crazy and we still have to cook dinner when the smell of chicken makes you want to pray to the porcelain GOD....AAAMennnn! So my Mother is reading this thinking oh honey, I want you to be that happy pregnant girl you were last time, and I still am. I am just being honest with my girls. You know telling you like it really is all the while enjoying it in this very peculiar way. Liking to be sick, a novelty to most of you, but to the Mommy's out there, you understand. Sick, but happy! Scared, but optimistic! Worried, but assured! Terrified...well just terrified really! So I have made the decision that I am going to be that happy pregnant girl again. I really feel like you have to almost verbalize that to yourself. I am going to be happy and upbeat even though at times I feel very tired and sick. Once you tell yourself that you are not going to make crazy outbursts of emotional slashing to your husband then you have to follow through. I had an episode during the last pregnancy that opened my eyes to the unleashing of hormones! I turned into a demon - Fraser was actually scared of me and with due right! I was a beast from a dirty swamp who rose up to tongue slash my loving husband into submission and apology for something he did not do or need to apologize for. I later swore I would never reveal the beast again. It actually scared me too, I could not control myself, I mean at all. If fire and smoke would have come out of my mouth I would not have been surprised. I just kept firing at the poor unsuspecting soul! So I then told myself I will stop, take a breath and think if I am really angry or if my hormones are just ticking me off. Most of the time, in fact, maybe every time, I could say my hormones were wanting to attack my husband or the person at the check-out for taking too long or the solicitor on the phone. You get the point. Take a minute, access the issue and decipher your feeling verses the ugly hormones and usually you can just laugh at yourself for almost getting angry with your husband for putting the spoon in the wrong place! So I guess this nausea is going to be here for a while and I guess I will need to just barrel through the next 6 to eight weeks and hope that the feeling goes away as I enter into my Second Trimester. Let us Pray...AAAmen!

But wait there's more...

As of Thanksgiving morning, we found out we are adding to our family. What a great day for us and what a wonderful blessing. We are so grateful for our lives, our health and our family and friends. We are so grateful for the opportunity to go down this road again and to raise another child. We are so thankful and both so SCARED! I am so happy don't get me wrong, but our lives are again about to change in enormous ways. I mean just when I get the hang of things now we've gone and added this ultimate change. Wow...are we crazy? Well yes, I think you have to be a bit crazy to have children to begin with. What a huge amount of pressure you put on yourself to be the best parent to make the right decisions you know decisions that will form the foundation of your childs future!!!! Yes, you have to be a bit of a loon to be up for that. It is such a magical experience which is what brings us like others back to this point. Yes, we are going to become parents again and yes I am so happy I can barely contain myself. I have told far too many people this early in the game and am terrified I set myself up for disappointment. We'll have to trust that my body will remember and will provide a nice safe home for our baby. Which by the way at 4 weeks is now the size of a poppy seed. A poppy seed and this week the baby is growing many of its vital organ. Man these little guys don't waste time. So I have to wait until Jan. 11th to see the Dr. for the first time. It is not like the olden days when you call doc and say I think I am pregnant and go in to confirm. I call to say I think I am pregnant which is funny in itself since I took THREE pregnancy tests (yes 3 - never can be too sure) and they say OK the Dr. will see you in Jan. after he can hear the heartbeat. Ohhh the heartbeat, I remember how cool that was with Vivian's pregnancy. No better sound on earth than the fast beat of your baby growing inside of you. Now don't get me wrong there are times you feel like you have this alien trapped inside your skin, but for the most part it is the most wonderful thing you will ever go through. So for now, I will just be growing a baby - how cool is that!!!

Spit up vs. Vomit

Yea, so not the title you were looking for, but a harsh reality. When your baby is young and maybe has a bubble of gas caught between chugs of milk and you give them a pat pat, they may spit up a bit. Totally normal. It's never overwhelming though my friends tell me bottle fed babies spit up has a distinct smell that is not so pleasant. Viv was breastfed so we never really had that smell associated with spit up. Anyway, Viv has been a very healthy baby, she has only been sick 4 times since birth. The other 3 times she had a cold - congestion, slight fever, more spitting up, once a sore throat and always accompanied with a bit of fussiness. I always know something is up with her if she is fussy as she is normally so happy. When I would call the Dr./nurse to see what kind of things I should do for her when she was sick, they would ask if she was vomiting, I always said I was not sure because she was spitting up more. The nurses would say, you will know when it is vomit. Fast forward to our trip to Florida last week and while she was happy to see her Aunt, Uncle and cousins, there was just something slightly off, she was fussy. I thought it came with the fact that she has been cutting teeth at an alarming rate and she just had a sore mouth. But when we packed up into the minivan to head out to lunch Vivian gave a cough cough and out of her mouth came VOMIT. I mean lots of vomit. I was saying oh my gosh and a bunch of stuff, but was frozen like an idiot. I got a clothe from Gerry and the second wave came both out of her mouth and her nose. Ughh! I am not one of those take your sick friend to the bathroom and hold their hair, I just don't deal well with vomit. It really turns my stomach and makes me either vomit myself of just feel like it. So here I am holding a cloth that is saturated with vomit looking at my sweet baby with vomit all down the front of her and wanting to spew the contents of my belly across the minivan floor. Lucky for me, David and Gerry are experienced parents - having two kids helps, they have been through all this before. They pretty much walked me through what to do and Gerry (bless her heart) took care of the carseat and David the car. So I am the Mom that calls the Dr. for every little thing - she is not a sickly child so I often fear the worst. There is nothing wrong with this approach unless your the unlucky nurse that has to calm me down and talk me through it. I seriously remember two occasions that I was actually crying on the phone thinking Viv would die in her sleep because she was so stuffed up. I have learned a lot from those nurses: did you know that a fever is actually good. It is your bodies way of killing the bacteria/virus that is making you ill. As long as the temp is under 102 you should just let it work off the infection. That is unless your child is suffering, then you treat the symptoms. Good to know eh! So to put it mildly, you will know the difference between vomit and spit up. It pretty much is just like ours which comes with all the things that make it so gross to us; smell, texture, force and yes even consistency. I don't have experience with vomit before your solids, but I would imagine it would come with great force and smell like spoiled milk - ughhh, just typing it is making me turn my mouth up and wince my eyes. Well anyway, I think my stomach can not bare anymore of this chatter, but hopefully this will help some of you down the road. Viv is better now, but when we returned home her Daddy got sick. I am pretty much over taking care of sick people. He is on the mend and went back to work today. I feel like I deserve some sort of medal for all this yucky work I have done this week, but I guess just the sweet look of thanks in both their eyes will do just fine!

The C-Section

The never anticipated and slightly feared C-Section. You never really think you will have to have this procedure, but when reality sets in and you realize they are going to cut you open to get your baby out the wave of fear is like none other. I have been frightened in my life; you know going on a ridiculous roller coaster, scared to do poorly in school knowing your Daddy will "kill" you, driving on an unfamiliar highway with no directions ending up in the wrong part of town or maybe just a simple spot of a really BIG spider. All of these can give you a freight and instill a bit of fear, but hearing that your baby, the one that has been growing inside of you, kicking and moving all over the place is not doing well due to a condition you have during pregnancy, well the fear is overwhelming. There is also an element of guilt, my body is making my baby sick. So to explain, I had preeclampsia - A condition of hypertension occurring during pregnancy, typically accompanied by edema (remember that is elephant feet) and proteinuria (the presence of excessive protein in the urine; usually a symptom of kidney disorder). This came upon at the end of a VERY happy and healthy pregnancy. We already knew the baby was breech, then I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, a week later put on bed rest - a form of torture to an energetic person like myself. A week after that, Fraser went with me to the Dr., he must have had an idea I was getting worse. They hooked me up to a machine - a fetal monitor to make sure our baby was doing ok. So every now and again the Dr. or a nurse would come in to check the printout. The second time the Dr. came in I began to get very scared - what is going on?, why isn't anyone talking to me?, just looking at the damn printout. I ask and he says..."We need to have this baby today via Cesarean Section!" Huh...today, but I am not due for 3 more weeks, I have not even packed for the hospital, I looked at Fraser and his lower jaw was nearly touching the floor. The Dr. then says, "do you want to have this baby at 1PM or 5PM". I am so stunned I am just sitting there...he asks again and I say well 5PM because my Mom and Dad need time to drive from Ohio to get here! So 5PM it was. I was not allowed to do anything, go home, pack a bag and meet him at the hospital. HOLY SHIT! What the hell is going on. This is NOT what I had planned. NOT NOT NOT! I am so scared that I feel like I have to reswallow my heart every so often. Fraser was so great, calm and cool though I know he was freaking out too. I decided since I was having a C-Section I would take another shower since I will not be able to take one for several days after surgery. I wasn't really supposed to do that, but it did calm me down a bit. We packed mine and Baby K's bags, took a photo just before we left for the hospital, said a prayer or 5 and headed to meet my doom - the dreaded slicing of the belly. The same belly I have worked so hard on to keep it firm and flat - well that was obviously before pregnancy, the same belly that I had hopes of it being flat and firm again, the same belly that had given my child a home for 8 months, and the same belly that my husband would kiss every night. Don't think too much...just get to the hospital I think. I get admitted and they can't seem to find a vein - seriously 5 pricks later, I finally have my IV. Waiting...waiting...waiting! The huge digital clock on the wall counting down the minutes until slice and dice time - bam, bam bam - that is the minute changing on the clock - it felt like I could feel the vibration of it through my body with each passing minute. My Mom and Dad arrive! Yeah! I go to the bathroom and Mom asks the nurse, "WHAT is wrong with my daughter?" She said this is why we are here. I guess my face was as red as a fire truck and my eyes were very sickly looking. I was still smiling and thinking about the first moment I will have with my baby in my arms. I am still battling the fear that creeps up every so often, but for the most part I am excited...that is until Dr. Teter comes into the room. Ok, we're ready for ya. He quickly goes through what is going to happen which I remember nothing of that conversation and leaves. The nurses come to give Fraser his special gear so as to not contaminate the surgery environment and prepare to take me to the sterile cold surgery room. It was crystal clean, everything shinning bright and all these contraptions and machines that I knew nothing about, totally foreign and very scary! They asked me to curve my back so that they could give me the spinal block, I would then be paralyzed from the waist down - uhhh yea, that will freak ya out! So I curl up like a ball, they warn me that the effects are very fast and I need to move quickly onto my back on the operating table. So I prepare with a big inhale, the anesthesiologist numbs the area with a few locals and then the BIG and I mean BIG needle goes in. You are numb so you just feel pressure, but still weird when you think they are putting something into your spinal cord. So she was finished and seriously by the time I turned to face the other direction I could not feel my legs. It was that fast! Unreal huh! So Fraser then comes in while they are hooking both arms down - yes, so they can get to a vein easily if necessary. So you are like crucifixed to the operating table. Then the Dr. came in, he pokes around a bit and I imagine he is cutting me open and moving things around to get to the baby, then he says, "alright, we're going to have a baby now, you'll feel some tugging." Some tugging, I remember those words distinctly. Well it was more like jerking and I was REALLY scared. Fraser must have seen it in my eyes as he was talking to me about how cool it will be to see our little one and wondering if it would be a girl or a boy. He was again wonderful, the best husband in the world! And then...then...the Dr. holds up this baby, this gorgeous baby and the baby makes a little tiny peep and that was it. Just a peep. I think oh no, it is not breathing, what is it, how is it oh shit oh shit oh shit...talk to me someone! Another peep and I say what is it Dr. Teter. He says ask your husband. And Fraser stands up and rocks back and forth on his feet fiddling his fingers and breathily says..."itsa itsa...I don't know and sits back down". I say well look between the legs and he stands up again, takes a look, sits down real close to me and says it's a girl, it's Vivian. (Ok...I am so crying right now just typing about it.) It's a girl! It's Vivain and I say Happy Birth Day Vivian! They take her away, across the room, I could barely see her, it was so difficult. I couldn't be there with her as they needed to put humpty back together again, so Fraser went over and knelt beside her. He was crying, I was crying, what an amazing thing just happened. And even though this was not my birth plan, it was magical! I have a baby, a healthy baby girl named Vivian Taylor Kirkpatrick. FINALLY Fraser brings her to me. She was so tiny, he had to hold her until they were all done with me. She was awesome, all her fingers and toes - we checked ha ha! And Then, Then I got to hold her. She was as light as a feather, her face was full of expression - kind of like what the heck am I doing out here. It made me giggle! Then it was like a movie - they burst me operating bed and all through the double doors holding my little bundle and I see my Mom and Dad...I yell, it's a girl it's Vivian and they melt like butter! We all cried! She was here and safe in Mommy's arms. What a fantastic day, C-Section and all. Vivian's Birth Day was truly Brilliant for not only Fraser and I, but also for our entire family and our many friends - this baby was a wonderful gift given to us by God and I thank God every day for her and promise to take care of her, God put her in our care and we are so blessed - all of us!

The cost of delivery

Check out my team of doctors, the operating room was full of people. Certainly no time for modesty. The Cesarean Section will be the next post, but for now I thought it might be helpful to give you a general feel to the cost of having a baby. It certainly helps to have good insurance as you will see, but the numbers are mind boggling. Remember I had a Cesarean Section and was in the hospital for 4 days, I honestly have no idea what some of these fees are for...like supplies what the hell does that mean????
Check this out:
Mother Summary of Service:
Room and Nursing Service $3948.00
Pharmacy $1104.78
Supplies $1054.00
Laboratory $1313.00
Surgery Service $3583.00
Anesthesia $240.00
Recovery Room Service $544.00
Total for Mommy $12,589.78
After Insurance Adjustments $869.62 (out of pocket)

Baby Summary of Service:
Neonatal Physician $351.00
Newborn Service $3752.00
Pharmacy $85.34
Supplies $149.00
Laboratory $1099.00
Respiratory Therapy $52.00
Speech/Audiology $484.00
Total for Baby $5972.34
After Insurance Adjustments $321.00

OB Visits $5511.00
After Insurance Adjustments $39.11

Grand total out of pocket $1229.73, IF I did not have insurance the cost $18,601.23

When you start getting the bills in, it becomes so confusing. I waited until I got the bill from the hospital and the notice of insurance coverage, cross referenced, asked questions, then paid the bill. Sometimes there were discrepancies and we saved money due to my being proactive. This is all rather difficult all while just learning how to be a Mother. Make sure you take time to look things over and review before just blindly paying. Sometimes the insurance people make mistakes, and their mistake can cost you hundreds of dollars. And they say you should save for college, you have to nearly take a loan out for the birth ;)

Feeding the baby

Yes, you do have to consider feeding the baby, you know solid foods. This comes at you right when you really are getting the hang of breastfeeding and they are on a "schedule". Motherhood is a series of learning slowly and changing directions quickly. So Vivian was a VERY big eater, breastfeeding very often and for long periods of time. I did not know when to start solids, no one really tells you and the books all say between 4 and six months, but when your talking about a baby 8 weeks makes a difference. Example: Vivian weighed 5lbs. 13 1/2oz. at her 1 week appointment (babies usually loose a bit of weight while in the hospital) and 8 weeks later she weighed 9lbs. 14oz. Everything is different for ever child, don't let anyone tell you to begin doing this or that on a specific day or at a specific age, go with your gut and a few general rules. My doctor told me after she has been sleeping through the night (that is if your child normally does that) and then the baby begins to wake up in the middle of the night wanting to feed, you know it is time to introduce rice cereal. Make the rice super runny and if your breastfeeding, pump some of your breast milk to mix for a more familiar taste. It will be a mess the first time which is half the fun (see photos). Vivian started eating solids/rice at 5 months. You feed them just rice for a few weeks, then add the yellows one at a time for one week, this is to make sure they do not have an allergy. If you feed too many things all at once and they have an allergy you will have no idea what caused it, but if you give one at a time you will know. Yellows meaning sweet potatoes, squash, and the like. Once you've given the baby all of those, you then add the greens, meaning peas, green beans and so forth. At 7 months she started eating finger foods, but just the little teething biscuits and melt in your mouth puffs because she still did not have teeth. It took Vivian a long time to get teeth (first tooth June 8th 2007) so my doctor gave me another bit of sound advice. Put the food in your mouth, if you can smush it with just your tongue (mashed potatoes, cooked carrots, bananas...), she can eat it with just her gums. She is and always has been a good eater. She now eats just about anything, but her favorite is still probably egg omelet with cheese! Bottom line, no one can really tell you how it is "supposed" to go because it is so different for every child and for every parent. Again just do what feels best to you. My last bit of advice, keep checking the babies weight. This is the best sign that things are going well with the feedings. If the baby is gaining weight then things are going well. Oh and don't taste the cereal...seriously disgusting!

Breastfeeding

She, thankfully, slept through the night at 7 weeks. The first several weeks, because she was so little, she ate every hour, did you hear me EVERY HOUR. So if you can imagine just getting your head to the pillow after feeding, burping and changing your wee precious and then she is crying for more. There were times I thought about quitting breastfeeding because it was so difficult. It is! You assume your body just knows what to do, well it doesn't. You have to learn and you have to teach the baby all at the same time. Once you get the hang of things and baby latches on OK, then it is smooth sailing, but it can almost kill ya in the beginning. My advice, bug the heck out of the lactation consultant. That is their job and they are darn good - though not always gentle. I had someone in most feedings during the day, but due to my having a C-section, I was there for 4 days. My milk came in the last day and that is when I really needed their help and learned the most. Women of generations past had their Mothers and Grandmothers to help. Our parents generation and ours much less as we are all dispersed in different states. Many years ago, the whole family lived in the same village, and if you had severe trouble - you had a wet nurse. Those were the days of the past, now we have pumps (sucking your brains out of your nipples), a different bottle for each day of the month, creams/apparatus for various bumps (no pun intended) along the way and a society that looks down upon breastfeeding Moms. I say feed the baby and NOT in the stinken bathroom. Would you eat in the bathroom? I have had people tell me if you feel insecure just feed her in the bathroom - uh no, think of the germs in a public restroom. I will however give you a hint. The invention of the HOOTER HIDER. You heard me, you may laugh but it makes breastfeeding way less awkward for you and those around you. Check it out at mom4life.com. Also a must, LilyPadz. They are like lily pads that go over your nipple and somehow (Lord only knows) it stops your flow and hides your now Ginormous nipples! Ha ha! So I ended up breastfeeding until the day before my daughter turned one. One full year of breastfeeding. some of the worst minutes of my life, but most of the best! I would say if you can make past the first few weeks, you will do great. The closeness you feel is absolutely precious! The feed before bedtime when she would fall to sleep in my arms was beautiful...day after day after day!

Time gets away...

On August 18th we had a baby girl, Vivian Taylor Kirkpatrick. This was the day my life changed forever - what a blessing. She was very tiny at 5lbs. 15oz., but really long at 21in. The image above is just before delivery. It was a magic day, like none other. You try to imagine how this moment will be, but you have no understanding of the depth of your emotion on that day. I felt in a deeper more spiritual way, not only for my baby girl, but also for my love, my husband, my best friend! He and I made a magnificent thing, a living breathing child - we made her - how incredibly cool is that!?!

So as you will notice by the date of this post. Time really HAS gotten away from me. I will try to be better as I feel it is good to log your fears, worries, excitement, joys, pains and all of other emotions you feel as a new parent. I will try to recap and catch us up to date in the next several postings. But for now, I had better get on with my day - I have a play date with a very special 1 year old.