My Name is RALLLFFFF...

OK...so if you have not read my last entry you must immediately STOP and scroll down to the last post. It is a must for you to understanding this my new name Ralllffff. Seriously...I'll wait right here!

So your back and you now are up to date with the news. Ahhh...another baby! How sweet, how precious, how am I ever going to get through this photo (see above) with the fire burning holes in my back, Vivian kicking and grunting all the while trying to suppress the bodily function that accompanies pregnancy - Ralllffff! Yes, I already feel sick, like you went out the night before and partied til the sun came up, went to breakfast with your friends and forgot to take Tylenol and drink water before bed. That kind of fuzz in your mouth, nausea that lasts ALL day kind of feeling. By all means I am not complaining (well too much) as I am as happy as can be and am so thankful I feel sick. I know that sounds weird, but this way you know your body is still doing what it needs to be doing to keep your little tadpole safe. The reason you feel sick is with every passing day - I kid you not - your hormone levels nearly double. So you think you act a bit nutty when you have a period, think about doubling your hormones everyday. And men wonder why we might be a bit testy. Hell yeah our insides are going crazy and we still have to cook dinner when the smell of chicken makes you want to pray to the porcelain GOD....AAAMennnn! So my Mother is reading this thinking oh honey, I want you to be that happy pregnant girl you were last time, and I still am. I am just being honest with my girls. You know telling you like it really is all the while enjoying it in this very peculiar way. Liking to be sick, a novelty to most of you, but to the Mommy's out there, you understand. Sick, but happy! Scared, but optimistic! Worried, but assured! Terrified...well just terrified really! So I have made the decision that I am going to be that happy pregnant girl again. I really feel like you have to almost verbalize that to yourself. I am going to be happy and upbeat even though at times I feel very tired and sick. Once you tell yourself that you are not going to make crazy outbursts of emotional slashing to your husband then you have to follow through. I had an episode during the last pregnancy that opened my eyes to the unleashing of hormones! I turned into a demon - Fraser was actually scared of me and with due right! I was a beast from a dirty swamp who rose up to tongue slash my loving husband into submission and apology for something he did not do or need to apologize for. I later swore I would never reveal the beast again. It actually scared me too, I could not control myself, I mean at all. If fire and smoke would have come out of my mouth I would not have been surprised. I just kept firing at the poor unsuspecting soul! So I then told myself I will stop, take a breath and think if I am really angry or if my hormones are just ticking me off. Most of the time, in fact, maybe every time, I could say my hormones were wanting to attack my husband or the person at the check-out for taking too long or the solicitor on the phone. You get the point. Take a minute, access the issue and decipher your feeling verses the ugly hormones and usually you can just laugh at yourself for almost getting angry with your husband for putting the spoon in the wrong place! So I guess this nausea is going to be here for a while and I guess I will need to just barrel through the next 6 to eight weeks and hope that the feeling goes away as I enter into my Second Trimester. Let us Pray...AAAmen!