The C-Section

The never anticipated and slightly feared C-Section. You never really think you will have to have this procedure, but when reality sets in and you realize they are going to cut you open to get your baby out the wave of fear is like none other. I have been frightened in my life; you know going on a ridiculous roller coaster, scared to do poorly in school knowing your Daddy will "kill" you, driving on an unfamiliar highway with no directions ending up in the wrong part of town or maybe just a simple spot of a really BIG spider. All of these can give you a freight and instill a bit of fear, but hearing that your baby, the one that has been growing inside of you, kicking and moving all over the place is not doing well due to a condition you have during pregnancy, well the fear is overwhelming. There is also an element of guilt, my body is making my baby sick. So to explain, I had preeclampsia - A condition of hypertension occurring during pregnancy, typically accompanied by edema (remember that is elephant feet) and proteinuria (the presence of excessive protein in the urine; usually a symptom of kidney disorder). This came upon at the end of a VERY happy and healthy pregnancy. We already knew the baby was breech, then I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, a week later put on bed rest - a form of torture to an energetic person like myself. A week after that, Fraser went with me to the Dr., he must have had an idea I was getting worse. They hooked me up to a machine - a fetal monitor to make sure our baby was doing ok. So every now and again the Dr. or a nurse would come in to check the printout. The second time the Dr. came in I began to get very scared - what is going on?, why isn't anyone talking to me?, just looking at the damn printout. I ask and he says..."We need to have this baby today via Cesarean Section!" Huh...today, but I am not due for 3 more weeks, I have not even packed for the hospital, I looked at Fraser and his lower jaw was nearly touching the floor. The Dr. then says, "do you want to have this baby at 1PM or 5PM". I am so stunned I am just sitting there...he asks again and I say well 5PM because my Mom and Dad need time to drive from Ohio to get here! So 5PM it was. I was not allowed to do anything, go home, pack a bag and meet him at the hospital. HOLY SHIT! What the hell is going on. This is NOT what I had planned. NOT NOT NOT! I am so scared that I feel like I have to reswallow my heart every so often. Fraser was so great, calm and cool though I know he was freaking out too. I decided since I was having a C-Section I would take another shower since I will not be able to take one for several days after surgery. I wasn't really supposed to do that, but it did calm me down a bit. We packed mine and Baby K's bags, took a photo just before we left for the hospital, said a prayer or 5 and headed to meet my doom - the dreaded slicing of the belly. The same belly I have worked so hard on to keep it firm and flat - well that was obviously before pregnancy, the same belly that I had hopes of it being flat and firm again, the same belly that had given my child a home for 8 months, and the same belly that my husband would kiss every night. Don't think too much...just get to the hospital I think. I get admitted and they can't seem to find a vein - seriously 5 pricks later, I finally have my IV. Waiting...waiting...waiting! The huge digital clock on the wall counting down the minutes until slice and dice time - bam, bam bam - that is the minute changing on the clock - it felt like I could feel the vibration of it through my body with each passing minute. My Mom and Dad arrive! Yeah! I go to the bathroom and Mom asks the nurse, "WHAT is wrong with my daughter?" She said this is why we are here. I guess my face was as red as a fire truck and my eyes were very sickly looking. I was still smiling and thinking about the first moment I will have with my baby in my arms. I am still battling the fear that creeps up every so often, but for the most part I am excited...that is until Dr. Teter comes into the room. Ok, we're ready for ya. He quickly goes through what is going to happen which I remember nothing of that conversation and leaves. The nurses come to give Fraser his special gear so as to not contaminate the surgery environment and prepare to take me to the sterile cold surgery room. It was crystal clean, everything shinning bright and all these contraptions and machines that I knew nothing about, totally foreign and very scary! They asked me to curve my back so that they could give me the spinal block, I would then be paralyzed from the waist down - uhhh yea, that will freak ya out! So I curl up like a ball, they warn me that the effects are very fast and I need to move quickly onto my back on the operating table. So I prepare with a big inhale, the anesthesiologist numbs the area with a few locals and then the BIG and I mean BIG needle goes in. You are numb so you just feel pressure, but still weird when you think they are putting something into your spinal cord. So she was finished and seriously by the time I turned to face the other direction I could not feel my legs. It was that fast! Unreal huh! So Fraser then comes in while they are hooking both arms down - yes, so they can get to a vein easily if necessary. So you are like crucifixed to the operating table. Then the Dr. came in, he pokes around a bit and I imagine he is cutting me open and moving things around to get to the baby, then he says, "alright, we're going to have a baby now, you'll feel some tugging." Some tugging, I remember those words distinctly. Well it was more like jerking and I was REALLY scared. Fraser must have seen it in my eyes as he was talking to me about how cool it will be to see our little one and wondering if it would be a girl or a boy. He was again wonderful, the best husband in the world! And then...then...the Dr. holds up this baby, this gorgeous baby and the baby makes a little tiny peep and that was it. Just a peep. I think oh no, it is not breathing, what is it, how is it oh shit oh shit oh shit...talk to me someone! Another peep and I say what is it Dr. Teter. He says ask your husband. And Fraser stands up and rocks back and forth on his feet fiddling his fingers and breathily says..."itsa itsa...I don't know and sits back down". I say well look between the legs and he stands up again, takes a look, sits down real close to me and says it's a girl, it's Vivian. (Ok...I am so crying right now just typing about it.) It's a girl! It's Vivain and I say Happy Birth Day Vivian! They take her away, across the room, I could barely see her, it was so difficult. I couldn't be there with her as they needed to put humpty back together again, so Fraser went over and knelt beside her. He was crying, I was crying, what an amazing thing just happened. And even though this was not my birth plan, it was magical! I have a baby, a healthy baby girl named Vivian Taylor Kirkpatrick. FINALLY Fraser brings her to me. She was so tiny, he had to hold her until they were all done with me. She was awesome, all her fingers and toes - we checked ha ha! And Then, Then I got to hold her. She was as light as a feather, her face was full of expression - kind of like what the heck am I doing out here. It made me giggle! Then it was like a movie - they burst me operating bed and all through the double doors holding my little bundle and I see my Mom and Dad...I yell, it's a girl it's Vivian and they melt like butter! We all cried! She was here and safe in Mommy's arms. What a fantastic day, C-Section and all. Vivian's Birth Day was truly Brilliant for not only Fraser and I, but also for our entire family and our many friends - this baby was a wonderful gift given to us by God and I thank God every day for her and promise to take care of her, God put her in our care and we are so blessed - all of us!