The Arrival!

Well after many tears, a lot of stress and worry and my hormone levels at peak proportions - we FINALLY had our perfect little bundle! This is how it went...

The days kept clicking by and I began to realize that this VBAC was just not happening. Two weeks past the first scheduled cesarean and I was beginning to look like a blimp. I have to say we gave it our all and I do feel so much better for that, but it just was not happening the old fashioned way! That is not to say that good ole Mother Nature wasn't still playing her tricks on me with the contractions here and there and the getting ready to go to the hospital in the middle of the night only to shower and feel totally fine again. Oh I walked, I nearly ran, I ate spicy food, drank raspberry tea, I even soaked my feet in warm water. I tried EVERYTHING, but it just was not happening. So the 6th of August came around and I knew it was going to be another c-section. So on the 7th, Fraser and I headed to the hospital. We arrived at 8AM and things began to happen so quickly. People coming and going, poking needles in, taking blood, sign here, empty your bladder, put this on - take that off, wash your face and by the way, you are having contractions you know! Figures...damn you Mother Nature...you pretty much suck! LOL! Just kidding, it was actually funny at that point. Mine and Fraser's parents arrived. They were ready to take us early, 9:30AM. Everyone guesses how much the baby will weigh - my Dr. said 8 lbs. 6 oz., nurses say 7 lbs. something and I say 9 lbs. They all laugh at me. So Fraser suits up - surgical mask and all and off I go to get prepped. I felt like I was at home in some respects, you see I had nearly the exact same team from my first section. Same Dr., same nurse, Dr's assistant, same baby Dr...it was VERY comforting. God finds ways to make things OK. I was nervous, but not as much. I had a qualified team who delivered my gorgeous baby girl and now that same team for my 2nd child. They bring Fraser in; I am already in the crucifix position (arms strapped down), oxygen on and numb from my breasts down. Then they start and everyone is just having like water cooler chat, we're all joking and talking like this was just a simple broken arms or something. Things got quiet though when they are ready to remove the baby. He says ok now some tugging and I know that means I will be jerked around so that did not freak me out as much as it did last time. The anaesthesiologist took a photo of the head out and showed me - totally fascinating! Then Dr. Teter says ok we're going to take the baby out now, you'll feel "the fall". Ok well the fall with Vivian was like dropping a pebble and this was like an avalanche! I felt like my whole body just fell through the operating table. It scared me a lot and Fraser just held on to me and told me it was ok and that the baby was out...then they say it's a BOY! A boy! I just could not believe I had a boy! I saw him and heard him for the first time. He was gorgeous, Perfect and had a good set of lungs on him! What a miracle! All the other stuff meant absolutely NOTHING now! I have a healthy baby boy! They had to put me back together again and it took much longer this time because...(get this)...I actually got a miniature tummy tuck. Well not really, but they do take away the old incision so that is like a what 1/4 in. tummy tuck in my mind! Ha ha!

Arthur Logan Kirkpatrick

9lbs. 4 oz., looks like Mommy was right eh!

21 1/2 in.

Ten beautiful finger and ten sweet lil' toes

They were doing all the tests of our son Logan and we had to look from afar. I got really upset because he was crying and all the dr's had their backs turned doing paperwork, I was crying and begging someone to be with him and finally the anaesthesiologist went over and rubbed his wee feet! My boy! I have a boy! It still fills my eyes with tears. They reunited us as a family and gave Logan to Fraser and we just cried and cried. I finally got to hold him as they wheeled me away. It took forever to get me stable enough to have the grandparents in, my temp had dropped considerably and they had to wrap me in the odd heated air blanket thing. Anyway, they finally all came in and I was holding Logan and said..."It's a boy!" and well you can see their reaction above! Pure joy from everyone. Even Vivian was excited to meet him. Advice: don't marry the idea of a certain type of birth. At the end of the day...you were all right...I have my healthy baby boy and life is so GOOD! I love this wee guy, he is such a sweet baby, he smells just like Fraser and he is ALL mine! God is good!

OVERDUE AND OVER DONE!

Uggghhhh...I am feeling quite stressed, agitated, tired, confused and depressed! This entry may be more for me than for you. I just need to get my thoughts out of my head - hopefully that will clear some of the tension I am holding which I am sure is not helping the NO baby situation.

Stressed: It seems like the more days that go by the more everyone is asking me when this baby is going to come - answer: I don't know! What is taking so long - answer: I don't know. Why hasn't it arrived yet - answer: I DON'T KNOW! If I knew these answers I would be GOD and if I were God I would know that making this poor girl wait like this is doing her head in, so I guess it is Mother Nature's fault. She is just toying with me, giving me contractions all night and then come morning settling right in for a good laugh as she stops the show all together that Mean Nasty Wench!

Agitated: It seems like no matter what anyone says or does it just isn't the right thing. Everyone is trying to hard, but really there is nothing that anyone can say or do that will make this any easier. I just want to hold my baby! I just want this whole thing to be over and to move on to the next thing.

Tired: Yes, I am so incredibly tired. Luckily, Fraser's parents are here and are taking the brunt of the load of caring for Vivian. Hiking her in and out of cars, chasing her when she wants to see something in the other direction and taking her on little day outings to give me a break. With that said, I am still not sleeping well at night that damn Mother Nature keeps teasing me and making me think, ahhh...this is the night. Timing contractions and not sleeping is sort of my normal routine. Also, you must remember, though this is my 2nd child, it is a whole new game for me. Am I having contractions or is it just Braxton Hicks? Is this how it feels or that? Should you feel nauseated, have to go to the bathroom a lot, feel thirsty, are the contractions high on the tummy or low??? It seems like every woman has a different experience and so what may have happened to them, might not be the same for me. So I just sit and wait with baggy black eyes and tired achy body!

Confused: I know my body can do this...a "natural" birth. You know verses the slice your gut and yank the baby out birth I had last time. Now I sound like I am bitter and I really am not. I know that under the circumstances of my last pregnancy the best thing for mine and Vivian's health was a c-section. Ok, but now I am healthy...no preeclampsia. The baby is in the right position...not Transverse Lie (meaning her shoulder or arm was first or she way sideways)breech. So if everything is OK with us, what is the deal with this baby not coming. I mean my Mom delivered 3 babies, my grandmothers delivered babies, my Aunts, my cousins, my friends. Why is it that my healthy strong body won't do this? I deserve this experience, you know like all the Mothers before me. Some people think I am crazy wanting a vaginal birth and they have their right to an opinion, but there is something about the experience, the longing to be like the other Mom's I know, the connection with my husband as we work together to deliver our baby, the empowering feeling of accomplishment - YES, I did it. I pushed that baby out. When your younger and as many of us girls do, we dream about being married and having babies. It never crosses your mind that you will have a c-section, you always think about the vaginal birth experience. I want that experience, I want to feel like a woman - hear me roar, I want to cry when they lay the baby on me instead of having to break my neck to see a glimpse of the baby across the room, I want this Lord - please allow me to have this encounter.

Depressed: I am beginning to feel a bit blue. I just feel like I am under so much pressure. Granted, I am adding most of the pressure to myself. The Kirkpatrick's are here as I said, so I feel like I have to get them their grandbaby so they can spend some time with the baby. I feel like everyone is waiting for MY performance and I am not delivering. I feel like I am letting everyone down on a daily basis. I feel like I am failing! I am sad. I know I shouldn't be and everyone keeps saying, "it doesn't matter how this baby enters the world and on what day, it is still your child and it will be great. " YES...I do know that! I know that!!! I just have spent nearly 20 years dreaming of a specific event and to never have that will be a loss. I know some of you may not get that. It is like a death in a way. A death of a dream. I will be better with it now because we pushed the c-section back to the last possible date that my Dr. felt safe with. For my safety and the babies safety I will have a c-section on the 7th if my body does not go into labor on its own. Originally it was supposed to be the 29th of July, but that made me feel crazy because the baby and I were fine. Why have major surgery when we are both doing well? Give my body a chance I said and so we are. That said it does not make it easier to wait, but it is what I want, just a chance! This brings me back to the incredible guilt that comes with the Kirkpatrick's only seeing their grandchild for 2 and 1/2 days before they go home. They have assured me that they are just happy they will see the baby, but I am putting this undue pressure of myself. It is a vicious cycle isn't it; feel bad, make changes, feel better, think, feel bad again.

So I am trying to wrap my arms around having a second c-section and being OK with that. I do feel SO much better about it now that we are sort of exhausting all other options first and just waiting for Mother Nature to quite her nonsense and just let me have this baby already. I have vented here a lot, but I want you all to know that below all these sort of dark feelings are still VERY strong feelings of joy, happiness and excitement. I am just ready to be a Mommy again. I just want that baby in my arms. I want to see Fraser's eyes swell with the pride of becoming a Daddy again. I want my parents and his parents to cuddle up to their newest grandchild. I am just ready. Under all this messy stuff is still all the great things that I have always felt before. The love for this child is already so strong. I am just a tiny (rather sarcastic eh) bit anxious now!

All my love to you and please keep us in your prayers!
Stephanie

How far along am I?

Oh yea, 37 weeks or carrying a 6 pound melon that just happens to be about 18 inches long. Funny how babycenter.com always gives an edible visual to demonstrate the babies growth. I think I will just refer to our baby as our baby now. Strange how your body grows this little poppy seed and works all these weeks to build a large melon, but its beginning to get me down thinking of my precious wee lamb as a melon!
Hmmm...what shall I talk about this time. Well I will tell you that having a baby whose head is down is MUCH different than carrying a baby breech position. I had a friend that was pregnant when I was the first time around and I will tell you that I know she must have cursed me repeatedly. I was so energetic and happy, I seriously did not change one single thing in my life until they put me on bed rest. I never felt the baby's head pushing so hard on my pubic bones that you swear it is going to just fall out. I never felt like I had to walk with my feet several feet apart or waddle so much that you feel like a brisk wind could knock you right over. I never felt the low back pain. I never felt the baby's head turn from side to side - now that feels a bit gross I will admit! Anyway, she handled all this in stride I must admit, but I never knew what she was going through until now. All you other women that carried your babies full term in proper position, a huge pat on your back. I never realized how much easier it was to carry a breech baby. Now that said, I had to have a c-section because of that and the preeclampsia, but the whole pregnancy thing - yea new ballgame! So I do waddle, I feel like I am carrying a bowling ball between my legs, I feel like I need to strap a catchers mitt to my uh hum and my tailbone at this point could just be removed for all I care! All that said, I am enjoying my pregnancy, I am just marveling at the differences! The other thing I need to be frank about. The pee test. OK so you have to "give a sample" every time you go to the doctor. Give a sample means peeing in a little plastic cup. No trouble at the beginning of pregnancy when you have total knowledge of where everything is placed AND you can see down there to...well, direct if you will. But you see, everything shifts a bit when your pregnant and what was once there is now not or has moved to a new place for all I know, anyway, it's different than it used to be. That and you can't see down there, so inevitably you (you know where I am going) pee on your hand. You can't see to direct, hell you can't see down there when your standing let alone when your sitting. Your once fully filled plastic cup is replaced with a cup that has a trace of liquid and a fully drenched hand. Ok ok, it happens. BUT I will say it makes it a bit harder when you have a very inquisitive toddler in the bathroom too - who looks at your trace of urine and says she wants a drink. You with pee hand and still trying to hover over the toilet because of germs, have to redirect your child verbally, quickly wipe the hand, place the cup high enough so thirsty child does not drink it, put clothes over VERY large belly, flush and try to open the door without using said pee hand, while holding "sample" and placing into proper location for someone to test for sugar and protein levels! Ughhh! So seriously keep this in mind when your at the OBGYN and wash hands with warm water - haha...you never know, the lady before you could have thirsty twins!
What else? The baby LOVES my right side and just likes to bunch all up and hang out over there. It is funny to look at as the left side goes nearly flat and the right is as hard as a rock. It is not as funny to feel, but the baby seems to enjoy it so hey who am I to try to change its mind! Soon we'll know if its a boy or a girl. I have been dreaming these odd dreams and wonder if they are some sort of sign. The first one was me counting 23 blue rubber duckies. That was the whole dream, once I got to 23 I woke up. The other one I have nearly every night. I dream that I am flicking through the calendar and the 23rd of each month is bold. My dreams are always blue, even if it has nothing to do with a baby: blue sidewalks, blue water, blue rooms and floors, just blue. So I keep thinking I am having a boy on the 23rd, I guess we'll all just have to wait and see. I think my Mom for a while was convinced that I knew what we were having and I swear I don't, though I DID try to convince the doctor that it would be our secret if he told me and he wouldn't. Love that guy, he knows deep down I want the surprise. Did I tell you about Dr. Teter, he is awesome! I really trust him and that is a great feeling when it comes to the birth of your child! He and the pediatrician are top notch guys! We're very blessed to have such competent people in our lives!
So I had better get off to bed, sleep is hard to come by these days as it is becoming more and more difficult to find a comfortable position. I know I sound like I am complaining and maybe I am a wee bit, but I LOVE being pregnant. I LOVE my wonderful husband and gorgeous daughter and I LOVE my little melon too! I am getting so excited to see, hug, hold, kiss this little one...not too much longer!

Love to you all!

PS - leave a comment. Mom you can just leave an anonymous comment and sign it Mom if you want. You don't need to sign up or anything. :) Thought that might help ya!

The 32 week jicama

Well here's to falling behind yet again and what the hell is a jicama? I see it has been 10 weeks since I last posted, shame on me. Everyone has been asking for the next blog and I have been meaning to, but as we all know a toddler doesn't understand Mommy time or wait just minute while I write this entry! So here we are 10:30 at night and I am getting this thing done or will fall to sleep trying! The first two photos are just images I LOVE! The next two are images from Scotland. I think they are super sweet and hope all of you like them as well. Our trip to Scotland was so wonderful. Fraser and his brother Greg met their goal of cycling the West Highland Way without too many hitches - a few punctures, exhaustion, a sore knee, an overdose on ibuprofen, a sour tummy, but two happy brothers! I rested and rested and rested...it was fantastic! (Thanks again Mum!) I think all that resting really helped me as I have felt like a new woman since I came home. I have really (and finally) embraced the whole pregnancy experience and am, loving it once again. It is hard to go from such a beautiful first pregnancy to a much more difficult second as you assume everything will be the same and when its not you feel like there is something wrong...with the baby. This of course does not help the pregnancy or your emotions, you can really work yourself into some amount of stress. Even while I was in Scotland I had a day when I was feeling like something was wrong. I haven't felt that way since we've been home and I am that same ole happy pregnant gal I was with my first pregnancy! We went to visit my folks too which was such a wonderful time. Viv and I went for the week and saw many friends and JP's family which was great fun and Fraser came in for the weekend to spend some time with my folks and his friends. My Dad cooked for us every morning, my Mom every evening, I went out with some friends, Fraser and I even got to go to the movies. It is so awesome to see your parents with your child. I mean the amount of love that shines through gives you a glimpse at how loved you were as a kid...man was I LOVED. My Mom has never ending energy with Vivian and plays just the way she used to with me. Oh I have such great childhood memories of her playing for hours with me, we sure did have fun. Remember the little tiny chairs with he little tiny tea set? ;) We went to visit the Dayton, Ohio family on our journey home and it was great to see everyone! The photo below is from Memorial Day Weekend, May 25th.
I feel like my tummy is not growing at the same pace it was earlier in my pregnancy, however, I still am MUCH larger than I was with Vivian. I am now officially doing the pregnancy waddle with my 27 lb weight gain, but I do feel like this comes with some benefits. I have not had to open a door in weeks. I have been helped into my car by WOMAN no less, had my groceries loaded into the car repeatedly, was taken home from the car repair shop in less than 5 minutes, you would not believe the kindness that comes from strangers when they feel like you may explode at any moment! Ha ha! This also comes with random people coming up to you asking when your due or how much longer...I'm gonna kill the guy who asked if I was having twins. When I was pregnant with Vivian some man came up to me and was touching my tummy. Now that guy almost got maced, but I let him go after he explained with tears in his eyes that his wife had a baby 3 weeks prior. I actually like it when people I know touch my belly, people just get excited about babies and I love that my friends and family are as elated as we are. Fraser is going through his little spell of Super Active Man! He did this before Viv was born, he knows his freedom will be nearly halted (as will mine) and feels the desire to be active, to be a tough and rugged guy. You know like go camping in the rain, built mountain bike trails and drink beer with strangers, cycle to work (yep Mum he's at it again) and many other things. He seems to switch in an instant; one week he's home every night for dinner, the next he comes in at 7PM or later. I am trying to be understanding, but as a pregnant gal I have needs too. Like I need to have a tiny break from taking care of Viv all day, I need to converse with an adult, I need to be close to my husband. It takes a few weeks but it irons itself out! He is such an amazing father and so hands on. I appreciate him so much. Fraser is the kind of father that his father and my father can be proud of and they are both pretty great Dad's too!

Let's see if there is any interesting pregnancy things I should tell my girlfriends about? At 32 weeks you get out of breath just getting out of bed. You are tired, takes lots of iron and calcium at this stage of pregnancy - you need the iron to keep you from dropping over and the baby needs the extra calcium as his/her bones are beginning to harden. The baby plays the "ribjo" with great precision. That is the bottom of your ribcage that the baby just LOVES to kick! When/if your abs separate it looks like a peak from bottom of ribcage to a few inches below your belly button its called diastasis recti. I'll just say stool softeners - enough said! (Sorry bros.) You can't eat as much, but you want too! Your love for your baby grows leaps and bounds everyday, you emotions are heightened about your marriage and your husband and your appreciation for your parents has no limit! You feel blessed, in love all over again and graced with wonderful family. Oh life is good these days gals! (Cue cheesy seventies music!)

Well I love you all!

Good night,
Stephanie

The 22 week spaghetti squash

This was me at 26 weeks pregnant with Vivian. Wow, I was so much smaller than I am now. Everyone always says that every pregnancy is different and they weren't kidding. I mean EVERYTHING is different this time, from the morning sickness, to my energy level, the pelvic area pressure, my bum leg and varicose veins to the swell underneath the skin of my belly. It is all still this amazing beautiful process, but so different. In fact, it was so different that in the beginning of the pregnancy I was sure there was something wrong. I should have saved myself the worry and listened to the Mother's who told me...every pregnancy is different. Well now that I am a veteran at this, I can say I totally agree. The baby is doing really well though measuring big which may be why my pelvic floor feels like it is between my knees...haha! Fraser is still cycling and got new cycling shoes this weekend. He acts like a 10 year old when he gets something new for his sport. He has been wearing the new shoes since he arrived home with them, actually taking his jeans off without taking the shoes off last night before bed. He cracks me up, what a wonderful way to be, I wish we all could have that childlike nature. Vivian is such a chatterbox, always having something to say and thank goodness we hear a yea every so often because the continuous "No's" were beginning to wear my nerves thin. She picked up from someone saying Oh My God and I was thinking this could be VERY bad if she were stating this over and over again, it was bound to have been spoken or screamed at church or in front of a minister one of these days...so...I decided that I would find something close to what she was saying and see if it would divert her attention from her new found favorite saying. So every time she would say it, I would say Almighty God. She did pick that up and Fraser and I would joke and say Amen Hallelujah and now she says that too...so be careful what you say around this mocking bird.
I loved my hair in this photo too, I decided that because my hair grows so fast during pregnancy and I just lost my Auntie M to cancer that I would not cut it and donate my hair to Locks of Love after I have this baby. Hopefully it will be long enough.

the 18 week bell pepper

These photos were taken on mine and Vivian's trip to Florida visiting my brother and his family and my snowbird parents. I arrived penicillin in hand with a severe case of bronchitis (which I'll have you know my daughter can say clear as day). The sunshine and good company quickly made me feel better and soon I was in much better health. My folks are staying very near my brother and watching their grandchildren (Nicole and Erica) several times a week which is about the closest to heaven either one of them can be...any time with a grand baby is precious! The girls got along pretty well with the exception of Vivian wanting to push the little one, Erica, around and cuddle with her all at the same time. By the way, sharing is a learned behavior just in case you did not know! I love being with my family and really miss all of them so very much. My parents, bless their hearts, would barely let me lift a finger so I was Queen Bee for a little while. This of course was not a learned behavior - I think I possessed this status as soon as my Mommy and Daddy held me...I know lucky girl eh!?! The baby started to kick and punch a lot towards the end of our visit and that is always reassuring. So we had a wonderful time, taking in the sun at both Cresent and Flagler Beaches, sightseeing in St. Augustine, going to tea with my Mom and my sister-in-law Gerry, and just in general visiting and enjoying one another. Our next big trip is our Scotland trip 11 April.
The other big news is we had our big ultrasound today, 2D and 3D. It was awesome seeing the baby wiggle around. You would not believe some of the positions this child got into, the best of which was when Baby K #2 had its hands over its head and was grabbing its toes. I even have a picture of that to prove it. I was certain I saw well uhh ummm, let's just say I thought it was a boy for SURE and then we got a printout and then I thought I had to be wrong. So I suppose we'll all find out come end of July/early August. My due date has been changed to August 1 and the baby is measuring big, in fact, most babies at 18 weeks are between 5 1/2 to 7 oz. and this baby is already 11 oz. I have gained a total of 9 lbs. and after all I ate in Florida, I am thrilled with this new weigh in. I cried at seeing our baby up on the screen, what a wonderful blessing! What a wonderful gift I have been given, building a baby within my body! Vivian was saying my baby and baby out, she even offered the baby (or my tummy) a yogurt raisin - now that is cute!
Fraser enjoyed a weekend in Cleveland cycling with his buddy Alan at Ray's indoor mountain bike park. He has still been training and is beating his record with each passing week. He also managed to paint and prepare Viv's toddler room and steam clean the downstairs carpets. He is such a hard worker and a huge help to me though I am sure he is happy that I am handling much more these days.
Vivian is so happy and such a sweet child, always free with her smiles and hugs. She is VERY attached to me which at times can be very trying, you know when you want to make dinner or uh hum use the bathroom. Anyway, she will start school in June and I do feel that will be such a blessing. She only has me most of the time and it will be good for her to play with other kids her age. It will be one day a week and she will love it I am sure. I will miss her and probably cry my eyes out when she cries because she doesn't want to leave school! You know it will happen!
Hope all is well with you. Leave a comment by clicking the comment button below.

All my love!

the 16 week Avocado

So this is how it is every night: Vivian pulls my shirt up and points to my belly saying baby and Fraser and I giggle as she then pulls up her shirt to point and say baby. She usually follows this episode with the following statement, "Baby out!" Too funny. It is safe to assume we are all excited about this new addition to our family. The big news this end is NO nausea! Oh what a relief. I am feeling so much better, have some energy back and have been told I have the "pregnancy glow". This is a true thing by the way, the reason you have a "glow" about you is all the extra blood running through your veins. I have gained 5 pounds thus far and the girls at the doctors office had a bit of a celebration that I had gained any weight at all. I had lost so much in the beginning we were all wondering if I would ever get some weight on this baby...it is certain that this baby (meaning me) has some fat now. The thing that is so wild about your changing body is your lumbar curve almost goes away completely, giving your baby as much room as possible. I really do have this fascination about all these little miracles within this great big huge miracle all happening within my body. I am not sure how a woman can go through a pregnancy and not believe in miracles as just a simple detail like your spine straightening, your organs shifting to make room for your baby or your increased blood flow is enough to ponder for years. It just happens, no computers telling it what to do, no manual shifting necessary, no machines pumping blood, just your body figuring it all out on its own. Our bodies are so amazing! Speaking of blood flow, this tiny baby only 4 1/2 inches long and just over 3 oz. is pumping 25 quarts of blood around its body. The baby is the size of a large avocado people and its pumping 100 cups of blood each day. That is so incredible! Fraser is enjoying this newly found energy as well, I am making his nightly dinners again and the way to this mans heart is definatly through his tummy! I think that is why he fell in love with me to be honest...THANK GOD I AM A GOOD COOK! Tonight we had citrus chicken over couscous and glazed baby carrots with red grapes...yummy if I do say so myself. Fraser is hard at work and has still been training on his bike. Two nights this week he cycled 35 miles in one hour...or 35mph, hello that is on a bike in the garage when it is something like 25 degrees outside. He amazes me really, I mean who has that much discipline? He and Vivian have become quite good pals and before bed she always reaches to him and says "cuddle". She is so affectionate, in fact, today at the Children's Museum she was asking complete strangers and thier children for a hug or a cuddle. What a precious girl she is. She really does make my life so much fun, it makes you wonder how I ever thought I was busy before. Now, well now I know what busy is - just watch her for an hour and you'll see what I'm talking about. Phew....

Our lives will be quite exciting these next few months as we have lots of traveling and guests visiting. Next week we (Vivian and I) leave for a trip to Florida, we're visiting Grandparents Rimstidt and Uncle David/Aunt Gerry and thier girls Nicole and Erica. I am looking very forward to it, funny as if you would have asked me 2 weeks ago I would have said otherwise - not because I don't want to see my family, but the traveling and everything is different when you feel sick! Everything! Hopefully the weather will be nice and Viv can run on the beach again - she loves the sand. We then will have some visitors, Emily and Pete from San Francisco, Megan and Andrea from D.C. and Erin (Tissy) from Chicago. Then the we will all pack up and head to visit Grandparents Kirkpatrick and Uncle Greg and the rest if the Kirkpatrick Clan in Scotland. Fraser and Greg will do thier epic male bonding super cycle with staffed support crew (uh yeah that would be Dad) and Mum and I will try to relax, but remember who will be with us - wild gal Viv. Great anticipation for all our guests and travels. Lots of love to you all,

Stephanie

And the ladies have finally arrived...

And by the ladies I mean the girls! Oh yes, one of the best parts of pregnancy for me. You see, well um, I am one of the less fortunate girls with small boobs (and after breastfeeding Vivian - basically nonexistant boobs). I thought I was being robbed out of the veloptuious rack this time around since really that was the first thing to change my first pregnancy, but whatever order it comes is fine with me, I just enjoy having them. I remember when they got so large my first pregnancy that they actually touched...I mean skin to skin. Now this to some of you is a regular occurrance, but to gals like me who's boobs prefer opposite ends of the spectrum, well it is a bit of a shock. I actually jumped up out of my chair at work thinking a bug had gone down my shirt...I am not kidding here I swear! AND they move when I walk. I've got jiggle now haha...and I like it! I actaully told Fraser I was just going to pump for the rest of my life so I can keep them...ha ha! So anyway the nausea is subsiding and the boobs have arrived, life is good. By the way, I decided this was more of a Mommy thing, not really a log for Baby K #2, I will book journal like I did with Vivian - you know so the poor child does not have to someday read about my boob obsession. As you can see from the first picture, I am starting to show a lot more. I love the way a pregnant body looks, even if it is mine that is transforming. It is such a natural and beautiful thing. Your body changes so much during pregnancy, not just on the outside. Your organs actually shift and move to make room for your growing child. It is really fascinating and such a miracle. Loving your body at the end of pregnancy is a whole other thing, but this time, your 2nd trimester, is so wonderfully exciting. At the end you just feel a bit uncomfortable, like a pumpkin on ice skates carrying 6 milkshakes on a tray that holds 4. Even though your body goes through this huge transformation you ARE still gorgeous, to the one that choose you to be his wife, to the ones who love you and sometimes to other women like me who just marvel in the blessings that we women get to share. We certainly have to endure a lot, but we get to experience this most prescious gift - Life! I feel the baby move about once or twice a day, it still feels like an eyelash kiss and usually happens when I am curled up on the couch with nausea or when I am in bed reading a page or two of The Great Gatsby ( I don't know if I will ever finish it at this pace). Fraser is still being a huge support. Tonight I was doing the washing up after dinner (it has been many weeks since I have done this) and Fraser kept insisting I sit down. I said take advantage of it while you can since we never know when I will be well or not in the evening. Then I smelled the broiling pan from the sirloin we had for dinner...ughhh straight to the couch! Fraser is such a wonderful Father and husband, I mean every girl should be this lucky! He has been training for our trip to Scotland, you see he and his brother will cycle the West Highland Way. It is 90 miles which may not seem so tough until you realize it is through the mountains and the weather will most likely be cold/rainy/misty/grey. Let's hope they have great weather and don't injure themselves. We head to Scotland in April and I am NOT looking forward to the journey as I will be 5+ months pregnant, but I am REALLY looking forward to seeing everyone. Vivian is her normal mischievious self. She likes to be the center of attention and if she is sensing that our attention may be toward one another or on something else she fake cries! I say fake because if we laugh she starts busting out with her very own belly laugh and throws her head back for added drama! When we go out she says hello to EVERYONE. Sometimes Fraser and I have to meet at the Studio where I teach Pilates to change hands and she goes around to all the clients talking her jibberish and making everyone smile, she is a charmer. She is learning her colors and numbers and keeps us laughing all the time. Baby K#2 is about the size of a lemon, according to babycenter.com. The babies face muscles are beginning to need a workout, so the baby squints, grimaces, frowns and is learning how to express him or her self. They say the baby may be grasping for things and sucking his/her thumb. Funny to think this little lemon is doing all that. I mean a lemon, come on! So it seems like the tunnel of nausea is coming close to an end and the baby is growing like crazy, my husband is awesome and my little Vivian is my dreams come to life...oh and the girls have arrived...isn't life grand!!!

Nausea Sickness

Here I am at the 12 week mark, you know the time when everyone says the nausea will end. The magic moment when all is good in the pregnancy, you feel more energetic, less nauseas and you begin to have that pregnancy glow. Uh hummm....well my baby and my body don't seem to realize that we have met our 12 week point now and its time to move on to the fa la laa laaa fun pregnancy bit. Really I should not complain because the ALL day nausea is now gone...phew. Now I just have low level nausea during the day (sometimes not at all) and then get hit hard in the evenings. And I mean REALLY hard. Most nights I just curl up on the couch, not enough energy to even get my buns up the stairs to my bed. I have tried the craziest things to help subside the nausea. So for future reference to those of you wanting to have a family, let me tell you the things I tried. Everyone is different of course and what worked for me may make you run to the "Living Room" (remember this is the bathroom for you non-preggers gals, but it begins to feel like the living room after a few weeks of nausea - trust me)! So I tried saltine crackers and that made it worse. Halls Citrus cough drops worked one night and made me terribly sick the next - so sick I could not try it again. Bomb Pop Popsicles - these actually would give me about 5 minutes of relief and when your sick every minute of everyday - 5 minutes is 5 minutes. Ravioli was the only thing I could keep down or think of eating in the beginning - sick I know. Citrus (oranges) - uh not for me. I tried everything - oh lemonade/Koolaid - that actually worked. I know why as well. You see when your first pregnant your hormones double EACH day making you feel unwell! This in turn lowers your blood sugar and that makes you feel even more nauseated, so you see why sugary drinks and Popsicles would make you feel a little better. It is just your body becoming acclimated to being pregnant. Because I lost 6 pounds in the first month of pregnancy (I pretty much ate nothing), my doctor was less than happy with me at the next appointment when I still had not gained weight. He called in a prescription for me, Ondansetron - generic for Zofran which is what they give patients undergoing chemotherapy. So again these crazy nightmares and thoughts of me taking this medication and causing severe damage to my baby kept them on the shelf in our linen closet. I mean do I really want to take the chance of causing damage to my unborn babies heart or something. I kept seeing those class actions suits on the TV saying if you took such and such while you were pregnant and your baby has severe respiratory problems call this law firm. So I sucked it up - like all the other women before me. I still haven't gained weight yet and have been told I had better start eating lots of chocolate or something as I had one month to gain a few pounds and then I would HAVE to take the medicine. OK OK...I'll force down some chocolate cake if I have too, but it will have to be in the morning as that is the only time I feel good! Ha ha! So since the subject of the post is about being sick I thought I would brighten it up with a few photos of our little Vivian and a creative beach photo from our trip to Florida for Christmas. The snow photo was taken just a few days before we left, I do feel like the sun did help my nausea a little bit. I will also tell you a sweet story. When Vivian went with me to the doctor they did a quick ultrasound to find the babies heartbeat. Viv was on the lower part of my ribcage because she never wants anything to pass her by - she is quite inquisitive. As soon as the image of the baby came up she said baby. When given the little print out, she pointed and said picture. She kisses my belly all the time saying baby. It is kind of wild as we never really talked about it being a baby and so forth - I guess it is obvious she is a genius. Ha ha! Well, I love you all and I do see light at the end of the tunnel - I just wish I could drive a bit faster! ;)

The Baby BUMP

So this post will include a bunch of my thoughts over the last month since our computer has not been very nice to us lately - shame on you you now so essential piece of rubbish! We love em, but we hate em too! So we'll start by saying our little bundle is as active as can be. I got a glimpse of lil' tadpole on the ultrasound machine the other day and that child does not sit still. In fact, the Dr. could not find a heartbeat which was not fun, but once we saw the cartwheel and the flip we were both relieved! I really am not kidding when I say cartwheel and flip - this baby is a pro at the water ballet I tell ya! So our baby is about 3 inches long can you imagine? I am really excited to see the little baby bump. It just makes you finally feel pregnant, that and the little flutter movements you feel. Most women don't feel the baby move until about 18 weeks, but no not me man - I felt our little one move last week. I told a friend it feels like the tickle in your tummy when you finally have the first kiss with a man you really love or like an eyelash kiss, however one might explain it - it is AWESOME! It changes to more of a jab and then a punch - ughfff, but all the movements are really cool! So if your wondering what the second photo is, please let me explain. So if you wanna keep your super cute and tight jeans for a little while longer, but don't want the uncomfortable feeling when you sit down, use the hair band trick. You loop the button then string the other side through the hole and back over the button (this trick is also good if you have eaten too much or you are just feeling bloated). The second thing that is on my list of "things to write about in blog after computer is fixed" - which it is still not, but works a little bit is the c-section itch. Now this means two things, it really means that the scar from my c-section is really itching and if you are not aware this scar is uh hum well quite low on your abdomen. So I look like a crazy woman and catch myself every so often scrubbing that spot with my nails - like a dog with a flea might I add. Oh my gosh - how embarrassing. So if you catch me please know this is like no other itch I have had before and well please forgive me! The other meaning of the c-section itch is that I have a chance to do a VBAC - Vaginal Birth After Cesarean. My doctor says I am a good candidate since I work out and healed well. The only small detail that is blocking my sleep at night and causing sweaty nightmares is their is a small percentage of women whose uterus explodes. Yes, that was what he told me. So now I wake in the middle of the night wet with perspiration with images of a blood splattered surgery room filling my brain. So in my mind I think, well you know c-section. You know what to expect, you know how long recovery is, you know when to start walking and when to start back to regular daily activities. Plus you get great pain meds and with a VBAC - yeah sister your on your own, I guess they give you an ice pack and call it a day! So the c-section seems to maybe fit...or does it. I want so badly to look at Fraser and say it's time. I want him to hold my hand on the drive to the hospital telling me to breath. I want the experience you see on TV and that your Mother had and her Mother and all the Mother's before her! I want Fraser to see how much a woman goes through - I mean a c-section is no walk in the park, but I handled it well and I think Fraser thinks its just all that easy ya know! So I guess we'll wait a bit longer to make this decision, but if these nightmares don't stop along with the midnight (and 3AM and 6AM) bathroom trips I fear I will not have a full nights sleep until I turn 40. Oh and speaking of age, my last thing to cover in this entry is "Advanced Maternal Age". Uhhh...are they serious? Yes, this is my diagnosis which puts me on a higher alert. It also gives me another ultrasound which means I get to see Baby K#2 do another performance - sweet! It also means - sequential screening. They screen for birth defects which I guess immediately after you turn 35 you have this enormously heightened (being sarcastic) risk of having a child with birth defects. No really your levels are slightly increased and they do a few extra tests on you. The great news is that I don't have to do the quad screen which last time was positive for Down's and we had to endure 2 weeks of hell waiting for the more advanced test. This time we skip right to the more advanced testing. We do a Nuchel (which I am spelling incorrectly I am sure) Thickness test. This measures the skin on the back of the babies neck which is a marker for a chromosome abnormality. This test is cross referenced with a very detailed blood test and lastly I get to have a high resolution ultrasound. So hopefully we won't have any false positives this time around. One good thing about being "Advanced Maternal Age" better tests, they don't mess around with us old folks! Until next time...mua!