the 16 week Avocado

So this is how it is every night: Vivian pulls my shirt up and points to my belly saying baby and Fraser and I giggle as she then pulls up her shirt to point and say baby. She usually follows this episode with the following statement, "Baby out!" Too funny. It is safe to assume we are all excited about this new addition to our family. The big news this end is NO nausea! Oh what a relief. I am feeling so much better, have some energy back and have been told I have the "pregnancy glow". This is a true thing by the way, the reason you have a "glow" about you is all the extra blood running through your veins. I have gained 5 pounds thus far and the girls at the doctors office had a bit of a celebration that I had gained any weight at all. I had lost so much in the beginning we were all wondering if I would ever get some weight on this baby...it is certain that this baby (meaning me) has some fat now. The thing that is so wild about your changing body is your lumbar curve almost goes away completely, giving your baby as much room as possible. I really do have this fascination about all these little miracles within this great big huge miracle all happening within my body. I am not sure how a woman can go through a pregnancy and not believe in miracles as just a simple detail like your spine straightening, your organs shifting to make room for your baby or your increased blood flow is enough to ponder for years. It just happens, no computers telling it what to do, no manual shifting necessary, no machines pumping blood, just your body figuring it all out on its own. Our bodies are so amazing! Speaking of blood flow, this tiny baby only 4 1/2 inches long and just over 3 oz. is pumping 25 quarts of blood around its body. The baby is the size of a large avocado people and its pumping 100 cups of blood each day. That is so incredible! Fraser is enjoying this newly found energy as well, I am making his nightly dinners again and the way to this mans heart is definatly through his tummy! I think that is why he fell in love with me to be honest...THANK GOD I AM A GOOD COOK! Tonight we had citrus chicken over couscous and glazed baby carrots with red grapes...yummy if I do say so myself. Fraser is hard at work and has still been training on his bike. Two nights this week he cycled 35 miles in one hour...or 35mph, hello that is on a bike in the garage when it is something like 25 degrees outside. He amazes me really, I mean who has that much discipline? He and Vivian have become quite good pals and before bed she always reaches to him and says "cuddle". She is so affectionate, in fact, today at the Children's Museum she was asking complete strangers and thier children for a hug or a cuddle. What a precious girl she is. She really does make my life so much fun, it makes you wonder how I ever thought I was busy before. Now, well now I know what busy is - just watch her for an hour and you'll see what I'm talking about. Phew....

Our lives will be quite exciting these next few months as we have lots of traveling and guests visiting. Next week we (Vivian and I) leave for a trip to Florida, we're visiting Grandparents Rimstidt and Uncle David/Aunt Gerry and thier girls Nicole and Erica. I am looking very forward to it, funny as if you would have asked me 2 weeks ago I would have said otherwise - not because I don't want to see my family, but the traveling and everything is different when you feel sick! Everything! Hopefully the weather will be nice and Viv can run on the beach again - she loves the sand. We then will have some visitors, Emily and Pete from San Francisco, Megan and Andrea from D.C. and Erin (Tissy) from Chicago. Then the we will all pack up and head to visit Grandparents Kirkpatrick and Uncle Greg and the rest if the Kirkpatrick Clan in Scotland. Fraser and Greg will do thier epic male bonding super cycle with staffed support crew (uh yeah that would be Dad) and Mum and I will try to relax, but remember who will be with us - wild gal Viv. Great anticipation for all our guests and travels. Lots of love to you all,

Stephanie

And the ladies have finally arrived...

And by the ladies I mean the girls! Oh yes, one of the best parts of pregnancy for me. You see, well um, I am one of the less fortunate girls with small boobs (and after breastfeeding Vivian - basically nonexistant boobs). I thought I was being robbed out of the veloptuious rack this time around since really that was the first thing to change my first pregnancy, but whatever order it comes is fine with me, I just enjoy having them. I remember when they got so large my first pregnancy that they actually touched...I mean skin to skin. Now this to some of you is a regular occurrance, but to gals like me who's boobs prefer opposite ends of the spectrum, well it is a bit of a shock. I actually jumped up out of my chair at work thinking a bug had gone down my shirt...I am not kidding here I swear! AND they move when I walk. I've got jiggle now haha...and I like it! I actaully told Fraser I was just going to pump for the rest of my life so I can keep them...ha ha! So anyway the nausea is subsiding and the boobs have arrived, life is good. By the way, I decided this was more of a Mommy thing, not really a log for Baby K #2, I will book journal like I did with Vivian - you know so the poor child does not have to someday read about my boob obsession. As you can see from the first picture, I am starting to show a lot more. I love the way a pregnant body looks, even if it is mine that is transforming. It is such a natural and beautiful thing. Your body changes so much during pregnancy, not just on the outside. Your organs actually shift and move to make room for your growing child. It is really fascinating and such a miracle. Loving your body at the end of pregnancy is a whole other thing, but this time, your 2nd trimester, is so wonderfully exciting. At the end you just feel a bit uncomfortable, like a pumpkin on ice skates carrying 6 milkshakes on a tray that holds 4. Even though your body goes through this huge transformation you ARE still gorgeous, to the one that choose you to be his wife, to the ones who love you and sometimes to other women like me who just marvel in the blessings that we women get to share. We certainly have to endure a lot, but we get to experience this most prescious gift - Life! I feel the baby move about once or twice a day, it still feels like an eyelash kiss and usually happens when I am curled up on the couch with nausea or when I am in bed reading a page or two of The Great Gatsby ( I don't know if I will ever finish it at this pace). Fraser is still being a huge support. Tonight I was doing the washing up after dinner (it has been many weeks since I have done this) and Fraser kept insisting I sit down. I said take advantage of it while you can since we never know when I will be well or not in the evening. Then I smelled the broiling pan from the sirloin we had for dinner...ughhh straight to the couch! Fraser is such a wonderful Father and husband, I mean every girl should be this lucky! He has been training for our trip to Scotland, you see he and his brother will cycle the West Highland Way. It is 90 miles which may not seem so tough until you realize it is through the mountains and the weather will most likely be cold/rainy/misty/grey. Let's hope they have great weather and don't injure themselves. We head to Scotland in April and I am NOT looking forward to the journey as I will be 5+ months pregnant, but I am REALLY looking forward to seeing everyone. Vivian is her normal mischievious self. She likes to be the center of attention and if she is sensing that our attention may be toward one another or on something else she fake cries! I say fake because if we laugh she starts busting out with her very own belly laugh and throws her head back for added drama! When we go out she says hello to EVERYONE. Sometimes Fraser and I have to meet at the Studio where I teach Pilates to change hands and she goes around to all the clients talking her jibberish and making everyone smile, she is a charmer. She is learning her colors and numbers and keeps us laughing all the time. Baby K#2 is about the size of a lemon, according to babycenter.com. The babies face muscles are beginning to need a workout, so the baby squints, grimaces, frowns and is learning how to express him or her self. They say the baby may be grasping for things and sucking his/her thumb. Funny to think this little lemon is doing all that. I mean a lemon, come on! So it seems like the tunnel of nausea is coming close to an end and the baby is growing like crazy, my husband is awesome and my little Vivian is my dreams come to life...oh and the girls have arrived...isn't life grand!!!

Nausea Sickness

Here I am at the 12 week mark, you know the time when everyone says the nausea will end. The magic moment when all is good in the pregnancy, you feel more energetic, less nauseas and you begin to have that pregnancy glow. Uh hummm....well my baby and my body don't seem to realize that we have met our 12 week point now and its time to move on to the fa la laa laaa fun pregnancy bit. Really I should not complain because the ALL day nausea is now gone...phew. Now I just have low level nausea during the day (sometimes not at all) and then get hit hard in the evenings. And I mean REALLY hard. Most nights I just curl up on the couch, not enough energy to even get my buns up the stairs to my bed. I have tried the craziest things to help subside the nausea. So for future reference to those of you wanting to have a family, let me tell you the things I tried. Everyone is different of course and what worked for me may make you run to the "Living Room" (remember this is the bathroom for you non-preggers gals, but it begins to feel like the living room after a few weeks of nausea - trust me)! So I tried saltine crackers and that made it worse. Halls Citrus cough drops worked one night and made me terribly sick the next - so sick I could not try it again. Bomb Pop Popsicles - these actually would give me about 5 minutes of relief and when your sick every minute of everyday - 5 minutes is 5 minutes. Ravioli was the only thing I could keep down or think of eating in the beginning - sick I know. Citrus (oranges) - uh not for me. I tried everything - oh lemonade/Koolaid - that actually worked. I know why as well. You see when your first pregnant your hormones double EACH day making you feel unwell! This in turn lowers your blood sugar and that makes you feel even more nauseated, so you see why sugary drinks and Popsicles would make you feel a little better. It is just your body becoming acclimated to being pregnant. Because I lost 6 pounds in the first month of pregnancy (I pretty much ate nothing), my doctor was less than happy with me at the next appointment when I still had not gained weight. He called in a prescription for me, Ondansetron - generic for Zofran which is what they give patients undergoing chemotherapy. So again these crazy nightmares and thoughts of me taking this medication and causing severe damage to my baby kept them on the shelf in our linen closet. I mean do I really want to take the chance of causing damage to my unborn babies heart or something. I kept seeing those class actions suits on the TV saying if you took such and such while you were pregnant and your baby has severe respiratory problems call this law firm. So I sucked it up - like all the other women before me. I still haven't gained weight yet and have been told I had better start eating lots of chocolate or something as I had one month to gain a few pounds and then I would HAVE to take the medicine. OK OK...I'll force down some chocolate cake if I have too, but it will have to be in the morning as that is the only time I feel good! Ha ha! So since the subject of the post is about being sick I thought I would brighten it up with a few photos of our little Vivian and a creative beach photo from our trip to Florida for Christmas. The snow photo was taken just a few days before we left, I do feel like the sun did help my nausea a little bit. I will also tell you a sweet story. When Vivian went with me to the doctor they did a quick ultrasound to find the babies heartbeat. Viv was on the lower part of my ribcage because she never wants anything to pass her by - she is quite inquisitive. As soon as the image of the baby came up she said baby. When given the little print out, she pointed and said picture. She kisses my belly all the time saying baby. It is kind of wild as we never really talked about it being a baby and so forth - I guess it is obvious she is a genius. Ha ha! Well, I love you all and I do see light at the end of the tunnel - I just wish I could drive a bit faster! ;)

The Baby BUMP

So this post will include a bunch of my thoughts over the last month since our computer has not been very nice to us lately - shame on you you now so essential piece of rubbish! We love em, but we hate em too! So we'll start by saying our little bundle is as active as can be. I got a glimpse of lil' tadpole on the ultrasound machine the other day and that child does not sit still. In fact, the Dr. could not find a heartbeat which was not fun, but once we saw the cartwheel and the flip we were both relieved! I really am not kidding when I say cartwheel and flip - this baby is a pro at the water ballet I tell ya! So our baby is about 3 inches long can you imagine? I am really excited to see the little baby bump. It just makes you finally feel pregnant, that and the little flutter movements you feel. Most women don't feel the baby move until about 18 weeks, but no not me man - I felt our little one move last week. I told a friend it feels like the tickle in your tummy when you finally have the first kiss with a man you really love or like an eyelash kiss, however one might explain it - it is AWESOME! It changes to more of a jab and then a punch - ughfff, but all the movements are really cool! So if your wondering what the second photo is, please let me explain. So if you wanna keep your super cute and tight jeans for a little while longer, but don't want the uncomfortable feeling when you sit down, use the hair band trick. You loop the button then string the other side through the hole and back over the button (this trick is also good if you have eaten too much or you are just feeling bloated). The second thing that is on my list of "things to write about in blog after computer is fixed" - which it is still not, but works a little bit is the c-section itch. Now this means two things, it really means that the scar from my c-section is really itching and if you are not aware this scar is uh hum well quite low on your abdomen. So I look like a crazy woman and catch myself every so often scrubbing that spot with my nails - like a dog with a flea might I add. Oh my gosh - how embarrassing. So if you catch me please know this is like no other itch I have had before and well please forgive me! The other meaning of the c-section itch is that I have a chance to do a VBAC - Vaginal Birth After Cesarean. My doctor says I am a good candidate since I work out and healed well. The only small detail that is blocking my sleep at night and causing sweaty nightmares is their is a small percentage of women whose uterus explodes. Yes, that was what he told me. So now I wake in the middle of the night wet with perspiration with images of a blood splattered surgery room filling my brain. So in my mind I think, well you know c-section. You know what to expect, you know how long recovery is, you know when to start walking and when to start back to regular daily activities. Plus you get great pain meds and with a VBAC - yeah sister your on your own, I guess they give you an ice pack and call it a day! So the c-section seems to maybe fit...or does it. I want so badly to look at Fraser and say it's time. I want him to hold my hand on the drive to the hospital telling me to breath. I want the experience you see on TV and that your Mother had and her Mother and all the Mother's before her! I want Fraser to see how much a woman goes through - I mean a c-section is no walk in the park, but I handled it well and I think Fraser thinks its just all that easy ya know! So I guess we'll wait a bit longer to make this decision, but if these nightmares don't stop along with the midnight (and 3AM and 6AM) bathroom trips I fear I will not have a full nights sleep until I turn 40. Oh and speaking of age, my last thing to cover in this entry is "Advanced Maternal Age". Uhhh...are they serious? Yes, this is my diagnosis which puts me on a higher alert. It also gives me another ultrasound which means I get to see Baby K#2 do another performance - sweet! It also means - sequential screening. They screen for birth defects which I guess immediately after you turn 35 you have this enormously heightened (being sarcastic) risk of having a child with birth defects. No really your levels are slightly increased and they do a few extra tests on you. The great news is that I don't have to do the quad screen which last time was positive for Down's and we had to endure 2 weeks of hell waiting for the more advanced test. This time we skip right to the more advanced testing. We do a Nuchel (which I am spelling incorrectly I am sure) Thickness test. This measures the skin on the back of the babies neck which is a marker for a chromosome abnormality. This test is cross referenced with a very detailed blood test and lastly I get to have a high resolution ultrasound. So hopefully we won't have any false positives this time around. One good thing about being "Advanced Maternal Age" better tests, they don't mess around with us old folks! Until next time...mua!

The amazing BabyK #2

I think I may have already used this photo, but you seriously do not want to see what I look like on a regular basis right now. I brushed my teeth today and that is an accomplishment since shoving a long slender brush in your mouth with the non stop nausea is uh hum well really unpleasant! So instead of focusing on me, let us talk about BabyK #2. A must for expecting mothers is to get onto the BabyCenter website and sign up for weekly baby updates. It is unreal how fast your little tadpole becomes a baby with a beating heart and ears and a pancreas! The following is some news from my 7 week update. The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo (or tadpole as I like to refer) and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of its tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Our baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry. If you could see inside your womb (which I know may gross some of you out), you'd spot eyelid folds partially covering the peepers, which already have some color, as well as the tip of its nose and tiny veins beneath parchment-thin skin. Both hemispheres of our baby's brain is growing, and the liver is churning out red blood cells until bone marrow forms and takes over this role. The baby also has an appendix and a pancreas (see I told you pancreas), which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. So you see, we really have a baby in there! It is unreal to think that this little tiny "poppy seed" at 5 weeks is now "a blueberry" and has hands and feet. I know I am pregnant and hormonal, but this work, this the work of your body is truly a miracle. I mean a miracle. You know and have witnessed other women who have carried babies, but until you carry one yourself, you don't know the magnitude of this gift. Even with severe morning sickness, I can sit back and think that I am so blessed and so incredibly lucky to be able to go down this road once again. God has given us this second child and I (we) will do everything in our power to care for it - even while in womb. I will keep this environment that my baby calls home in tip top shop. OK...dry my eyes and move on I know! So I will tell you that the nausea has not let up a bit and probably is a bit worse. Sometimes I can't even talk as I fear moving or talking may send me to the living room (or the bathroom to those of you that are not pregnant). I can eat a bit and have managed to pick up a few pounds that I lost. I told one of my Pilates clients that I lost 5 pounds and she was MAD! She said that is so not fair! Trust me, I would rather not be in this situation. This makes me have a better understanding of what my Sister-In-Law went through - bless your soul Gerry. I understand now, thought I did before, but did not have a clue...NOW I get it...in a VERY big way! Love you all!

My Name is RALLLFFFF...

OK...so if you have not read my last entry you must immediately STOP and scroll down to the last post. It is a must for you to understanding this my new name Ralllffff. Seriously...I'll wait right here!

So your back and you now are up to date with the news. Ahhh...another baby! How sweet, how precious, how am I ever going to get through this photo (see above) with the fire burning holes in my back, Vivian kicking and grunting all the while trying to suppress the bodily function that accompanies pregnancy - Ralllffff! Yes, I already feel sick, like you went out the night before and partied til the sun came up, went to breakfast with your friends and forgot to take Tylenol and drink water before bed. That kind of fuzz in your mouth, nausea that lasts ALL day kind of feeling. By all means I am not complaining (well too much) as I am as happy as can be and am so thankful I feel sick. I know that sounds weird, but this way you know your body is still doing what it needs to be doing to keep your little tadpole safe. The reason you feel sick is with every passing day - I kid you not - your hormone levels nearly double. So you think you act a bit nutty when you have a period, think about doubling your hormones everyday. And men wonder why we might be a bit testy. Hell yeah our insides are going crazy and we still have to cook dinner when the smell of chicken makes you want to pray to the porcelain GOD....AAAMennnn! So my Mother is reading this thinking oh honey, I want you to be that happy pregnant girl you were last time, and I still am. I am just being honest with my girls. You know telling you like it really is all the while enjoying it in this very peculiar way. Liking to be sick, a novelty to most of you, but to the Mommy's out there, you understand. Sick, but happy! Scared, but optimistic! Worried, but assured! Terrified...well just terrified really! So I have made the decision that I am going to be that happy pregnant girl again. I really feel like you have to almost verbalize that to yourself. I am going to be happy and upbeat even though at times I feel very tired and sick. Once you tell yourself that you are not going to make crazy outbursts of emotional slashing to your husband then you have to follow through. I had an episode during the last pregnancy that opened my eyes to the unleashing of hormones! I turned into a demon - Fraser was actually scared of me and with due right! I was a beast from a dirty swamp who rose up to tongue slash my loving husband into submission and apology for something he did not do or need to apologize for. I later swore I would never reveal the beast again. It actually scared me too, I could not control myself, I mean at all. If fire and smoke would have come out of my mouth I would not have been surprised. I just kept firing at the poor unsuspecting soul! So I then told myself I will stop, take a breath and think if I am really angry or if my hormones are just ticking me off. Most of the time, in fact, maybe every time, I could say my hormones were wanting to attack my husband or the person at the check-out for taking too long or the solicitor on the phone. You get the point. Take a minute, access the issue and decipher your feeling verses the ugly hormones and usually you can just laugh at yourself for almost getting angry with your husband for putting the spoon in the wrong place! So I guess this nausea is going to be here for a while and I guess I will need to just barrel through the next 6 to eight weeks and hope that the feeling goes away as I enter into my Second Trimester. Let us Pray...AAAmen!

But wait there's more...

As of Thanksgiving morning, we found out we are adding to our family. What a great day for us and what a wonderful blessing. We are so grateful for our lives, our health and our family and friends. We are so grateful for the opportunity to go down this road again and to raise another child. We are so thankful and both so SCARED! I am so happy don't get me wrong, but our lives are again about to change in enormous ways. I mean just when I get the hang of things now we've gone and added this ultimate change. Wow...are we crazy? Well yes, I think you have to be a bit crazy to have children to begin with. What a huge amount of pressure you put on yourself to be the best parent to make the right decisions you know decisions that will form the foundation of your childs future!!!! Yes, you have to be a bit of a loon to be up for that. It is such a magical experience which is what brings us like others back to this point. Yes, we are going to become parents again and yes I am so happy I can barely contain myself. I have told far too many people this early in the game and am terrified I set myself up for disappointment. We'll have to trust that my body will remember and will provide a nice safe home for our baby. Which by the way at 4 weeks is now the size of a poppy seed. A poppy seed and this week the baby is growing many of its vital organ. Man these little guys don't waste time. So I have to wait until Jan. 11th to see the Dr. for the first time. It is not like the olden days when you call doc and say I think I am pregnant and go in to confirm. I call to say I think I am pregnant which is funny in itself since I took THREE pregnancy tests (yes 3 - never can be too sure) and they say OK the Dr. will see you in Jan. after he can hear the heartbeat. Ohhh the heartbeat, I remember how cool that was with Vivian's pregnancy. No better sound on earth than the fast beat of your baby growing inside of you. Now don't get me wrong there are times you feel like you have this alien trapped inside your skin, but for the most part it is the most wonderful thing you will ever go through. So for now, I will just be growing a baby - how cool is that!!!

Spit up vs. Vomit

Yea, so not the title you were looking for, but a harsh reality. When your baby is young and maybe has a bubble of gas caught between chugs of milk and you give them a pat pat, they may spit up a bit. Totally normal. It's never overwhelming though my friends tell me bottle fed babies spit up has a distinct smell that is not so pleasant. Viv was breastfed so we never really had that smell associated with spit up. Anyway, Viv has been a very healthy baby, she has only been sick 4 times since birth. The other 3 times she had a cold - congestion, slight fever, more spitting up, once a sore throat and always accompanied with a bit of fussiness. I always know something is up with her if she is fussy as she is normally so happy. When I would call the Dr./nurse to see what kind of things I should do for her when she was sick, they would ask if she was vomiting, I always said I was not sure because she was spitting up more. The nurses would say, you will know when it is vomit. Fast forward to our trip to Florida last week and while she was happy to see her Aunt, Uncle and cousins, there was just something slightly off, she was fussy. I thought it came with the fact that she has been cutting teeth at an alarming rate and she just had a sore mouth. But when we packed up into the minivan to head out to lunch Vivian gave a cough cough and out of her mouth came VOMIT. I mean lots of vomit. I was saying oh my gosh and a bunch of stuff, but was frozen like an idiot. I got a clothe from Gerry and the second wave came both out of her mouth and her nose. Ughh! I am not one of those take your sick friend to the bathroom and hold their hair, I just don't deal well with vomit. It really turns my stomach and makes me either vomit myself of just feel like it. So here I am holding a cloth that is saturated with vomit looking at my sweet baby with vomit all down the front of her and wanting to spew the contents of my belly across the minivan floor. Lucky for me, David and Gerry are experienced parents - having two kids helps, they have been through all this before. They pretty much walked me through what to do and Gerry (bless her heart) took care of the carseat and David the car. So I am the Mom that calls the Dr. for every little thing - she is not a sickly child so I often fear the worst. There is nothing wrong with this approach unless your the unlucky nurse that has to calm me down and talk me through it. I seriously remember two occasions that I was actually crying on the phone thinking Viv would die in her sleep because she was so stuffed up. I have learned a lot from those nurses: did you know that a fever is actually good. It is your bodies way of killing the bacteria/virus that is making you ill. As long as the temp is under 102 you should just let it work off the infection. That is unless your child is suffering, then you treat the symptoms. Good to know eh! So to put it mildly, you will know the difference between vomit and spit up. It pretty much is just like ours which comes with all the things that make it so gross to us; smell, texture, force and yes even consistency. I don't have experience with vomit before your solids, but I would imagine it would come with great force and smell like spoiled milk - ughhh, just typing it is making me turn my mouth up and wince my eyes. Well anyway, I think my stomach can not bare anymore of this chatter, but hopefully this will help some of you down the road. Viv is better now, but when we returned home her Daddy got sick. I am pretty much over taking care of sick people. He is on the mend and went back to work today. I feel like I deserve some sort of medal for all this yucky work I have done this week, but I guess just the sweet look of thanks in both their eyes will do just fine!

The C-Section

The never anticipated and slightly feared C-Section. You never really think you will have to have this procedure, but when reality sets in and you realize they are going to cut you open to get your baby out the wave of fear is like none other. I have been frightened in my life; you know going on a ridiculous roller coaster, scared to do poorly in school knowing your Daddy will "kill" you, driving on an unfamiliar highway with no directions ending up in the wrong part of town or maybe just a simple spot of a really BIG spider. All of these can give you a freight and instill a bit of fear, but hearing that your baby, the one that has been growing inside of you, kicking and moving all over the place is not doing well due to a condition you have during pregnancy, well the fear is overwhelming. There is also an element of guilt, my body is making my baby sick. So to explain, I had preeclampsia - A condition of hypertension occurring during pregnancy, typically accompanied by edema (remember that is elephant feet) and proteinuria (the presence of excessive protein in the urine; usually a symptom of kidney disorder). This came upon at the end of a VERY happy and healthy pregnancy. We already knew the baby was breech, then I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, a week later put on bed rest - a form of torture to an energetic person like myself. A week after that, Fraser went with me to the Dr., he must have had an idea I was getting worse. They hooked me up to a machine - a fetal monitor to make sure our baby was doing ok. So every now and again the Dr. or a nurse would come in to check the printout. The second time the Dr. came in I began to get very scared - what is going on?, why isn't anyone talking to me?, just looking at the damn printout. I ask and he says..."We need to have this baby today via Cesarean Section!" Huh...today, but I am not due for 3 more weeks, I have not even packed for the hospital, I looked at Fraser and his lower jaw was nearly touching the floor. The Dr. then says, "do you want to have this baby at 1PM or 5PM". I am so stunned I am just sitting there...he asks again and I say well 5PM because my Mom and Dad need time to drive from Ohio to get here! So 5PM it was. I was not allowed to do anything, go home, pack a bag and meet him at the hospital. HOLY SHIT! What the hell is going on. This is NOT what I had planned. NOT NOT NOT! I am so scared that I feel like I have to reswallow my heart every so often. Fraser was so great, calm and cool though I know he was freaking out too. I decided since I was having a C-Section I would take another shower since I will not be able to take one for several days after surgery. I wasn't really supposed to do that, but it did calm me down a bit. We packed mine and Baby K's bags, took a photo just before we left for the hospital, said a prayer or 5 and headed to meet my doom - the dreaded slicing of the belly. The same belly I have worked so hard on to keep it firm and flat - well that was obviously before pregnancy, the same belly that I had hopes of it being flat and firm again, the same belly that had given my child a home for 8 months, and the same belly that my husband would kiss every night. Don't think too much...just get to the hospital I think. I get admitted and they can't seem to find a vein - seriously 5 pricks later, I finally have my IV. Waiting...waiting...waiting! The huge digital clock on the wall counting down the minutes until slice and dice time - bam, bam bam - that is the minute changing on the clock - it felt like I could feel the vibration of it through my body with each passing minute. My Mom and Dad arrive! Yeah! I go to the bathroom and Mom asks the nurse, "WHAT is wrong with my daughter?" She said this is why we are here. I guess my face was as red as a fire truck and my eyes were very sickly looking. I was still smiling and thinking about the first moment I will have with my baby in my arms. I am still battling the fear that creeps up every so often, but for the most part I am excited...that is until Dr. Teter comes into the room. Ok, we're ready for ya. He quickly goes through what is going to happen which I remember nothing of that conversation and leaves. The nurses come to give Fraser his special gear so as to not contaminate the surgery environment and prepare to take me to the sterile cold surgery room. It was crystal clean, everything shinning bright and all these contraptions and machines that I knew nothing about, totally foreign and very scary! They asked me to curve my back so that they could give me the spinal block, I would then be paralyzed from the waist down - uhhh yea, that will freak ya out! So I curl up like a ball, they warn me that the effects are very fast and I need to move quickly onto my back on the operating table. So I prepare with a big inhale, the anesthesiologist numbs the area with a few locals and then the BIG and I mean BIG needle goes in. You are numb so you just feel pressure, but still weird when you think they are putting something into your spinal cord. So she was finished and seriously by the time I turned to face the other direction I could not feel my legs. It was that fast! Unreal huh! So Fraser then comes in while they are hooking both arms down - yes, so they can get to a vein easily if necessary. So you are like crucifixed to the operating table. Then the Dr. came in, he pokes around a bit and I imagine he is cutting me open and moving things around to get to the baby, then he says, "alright, we're going to have a baby now, you'll feel some tugging." Some tugging, I remember those words distinctly. Well it was more like jerking and I was REALLY scared. Fraser must have seen it in my eyes as he was talking to me about how cool it will be to see our little one and wondering if it would be a girl or a boy. He was again wonderful, the best husband in the world! And then...then...the Dr. holds up this baby, this gorgeous baby and the baby makes a little tiny peep and that was it. Just a peep. I think oh no, it is not breathing, what is it, how is it oh shit oh shit oh shit...talk to me someone! Another peep and I say what is it Dr. Teter. He says ask your husband. And Fraser stands up and rocks back and forth on his feet fiddling his fingers and breathily says..."itsa itsa...I don't know and sits back down". I say well look between the legs and he stands up again, takes a look, sits down real close to me and says it's a girl, it's Vivian. (Ok...I am so crying right now just typing about it.) It's a girl! It's Vivain and I say Happy Birth Day Vivian! They take her away, across the room, I could barely see her, it was so difficult. I couldn't be there with her as they needed to put humpty back together again, so Fraser went over and knelt beside her. He was crying, I was crying, what an amazing thing just happened. And even though this was not my birth plan, it was magical! I have a baby, a healthy baby girl named Vivian Taylor Kirkpatrick. FINALLY Fraser brings her to me. She was so tiny, he had to hold her until they were all done with me. She was awesome, all her fingers and toes - we checked ha ha! And Then, Then I got to hold her. She was as light as a feather, her face was full of expression - kind of like what the heck am I doing out here. It made me giggle! Then it was like a movie - they burst me operating bed and all through the double doors holding my little bundle and I see my Mom and Dad...I yell, it's a girl it's Vivian and they melt like butter! We all cried! She was here and safe in Mommy's arms. What a fantastic day, C-Section and all. Vivian's Birth Day was truly Brilliant for not only Fraser and I, but also for our entire family and our many friends - this baby was a wonderful gift given to us by God and I thank God every day for her and promise to take care of her, God put her in our care and we are so blessed - all of us!

The cost of delivery

Check out my team of doctors, the operating room was full of people. Certainly no time for modesty. The Cesarean Section will be the next post, but for now I thought it might be helpful to give you a general feel to the cost of having a baby. It certainly helps to have good insurance as you will see, but the numbers are mind boggling. Remember I had a Cesarean Section and was in the hospital for 4 days, I honestly have no idea what some of these fees are for...like supplies what the hell does that mean????
Check this out:
Mother Summary of Service:
Room and Nursing Service $3948.00
Pharmacy $1104.78
Supplies $1054.00
Laboratory $1313.00
Surgery Service $3583.00
Anesthesia $240.00
Recovery Room Service $544.00
Total for Mommy $12,589.78
After Insurance Adjustments $869.62 (out of pocket)

Baby Summary of Service:
Neonatal Physician $351.00
Newborn Service $3752.00
Pharmacy $85.34
Supplies $149.00
Laboratory $1099.00
Respiratory Therapy $52.00
Speech/Audiology $484.00
Total for Baby $5972.34
After Insurance Adjustments $321.00

OB Visits $5511.00
After Insurance Adjustments $39.11

Grand total out of pocket $1229.73, IF I did not have insurance the cost $18,601.23

When you start getting the bills in, it becomes so confusing. I waited until I got the bill from the hospital and the notice of insurance coverage, cross referenced, asked questions, then paid the bill. Sometimes there were discrepancies and we saved money due to my being proactive. This is all rather difficult all while just learning how to be a Mother. Make sure you take time to look things over and review before just blindly paying. Sometimes the insurance people make mistakes, and their mistake can cost you hundreds of dollars. And they say you should save for college, you have to nearly take a loan out for the birth ;)

Feeding the baby

Yes, you do have to consider feeding the baby, you know solid foods. This comes at you right when you really are getting the hang of breastfeeding and they are on a "schedule". Motherhood is a series of learning slowly and changing directions quickly. So Vivian was a VERY big eater, breastfeeding very often and for long periods of time. I did not know when to start solids, no one really tells you and the books all say between 4 and six months, but when your talking about a baby 8 weeks makes a difference. Example: Vivian weighed 5lbs. 13 1/2oz. at her 1 week appointment (babies usually loose a bit of weight while in the hospital) and 8 weeks later she weighed 9lbs. 14oz. Everything is different for ever child, don't let anyone tell you to begin doing this or that on a specific day or at a specific age, go with your gut and a few general rules. My doctor told me after she has been sleeping through the night (that is if your child normally does that) and then the baby begins to wake up in the middle of the night wanting to feed, you know it is time to introduce rice cereal. Make the rice super runny and if your breastfeeding, pump some of your breast milk to mix for a more familiar taste. It will be a mess the first time which is half the fun (see photos). Vivian started eating solids/rice at 5 months. You feed them just rice for a few weeks, then add the yellows one at a time for one week, this is to make sure they do not have an allergy. If you feed too many things all at once and they have an allergy you will have no idea what caused it, but if you give one at a time you will know. Yellows meaning sweet potatoes, squash, and the like. Once you've given the baby all of those, you then add the greens, meaning peas, green beans and so forth. At 7 months she started eating finger foods, but just the little teething biscuits and melt in your mouth puffs because she still did not have teeth. It took Vivian a long time to get teeth (first tooth June 8th 2007) so my doctor gave me another bit of sound advice. Put the food in your mouth, if you can smush it with just your tongue (mashed potatoes, cooked carrots, bananas...), she can eat it with just her gums. She is and always has been a good eater. She now eats just about anything, but her favorite is still probably egg omelet with cheese! Bottom line, no one can really tell you how it is "supposed" to go because it is so different for every child and for every parent. Again just do what feels best to you. My last bit of advice, keep checking the babies weight. This is the best sign that things are going well with the feedings. If the baby is gaining weight then things are going well. Oh and don't taste the cereal...seriously disgusting!

Breastfeeding

She, thankfully, slept through the night at 7 weeks. The first several weeks, because she was so little, she ate every hour, did you hear me EVERY HOUR. So if you can imagine just getting your head to the pillow after feeding, burping and changing your wee precious and then she is crying for more. There were times I thought about quitting breastfeeding because it was so difficult. It is! You assume your body just knows what to do, well it doesn't. You have to learn and you have to teach the baby all at the same time. Once you get the hang of things and baby latches on OK, then it is smooth sailing, but it can almost kill ya in the beginning. My advice, bug the heck out of the lactation consultant. That is their job and they are darn good - though not always gentle. I had someone in most feedings during the day, but due to my having a C-section, I was there for 4 days. My milk came in the last day and that is when I really needed their help and learned the most. Women of generations past had their Mothers and Grandmothers to help. Our parents generation and ours much less as we are all dispersed in different states. Many years ago, the whole family lived in the same village, and if you had severe trouble - you had a wet nurse. Those were the days of the past, now we have pumps (sucking your brains out of your nipples), a different bottle for each day of the month, creams/apparatus for various bumps (no pun intended) along the way and a society that looks down upon breastfeeding Moms. I say feed the baby and NOT in the stinken bathroom. Would you eat in the bathroom? I have had people tell me if you feel insecure just feed her in the bathroom - uh no, think of the germs in a public restroom. I will however give you a hint. The invention of the HOOTER HIDER. You heard me, you may laugh but it makes breastfeeding way less awkward for you and those around you. Check it out at mom4life.com. Also a must, LilyPadz. They are like lily pads that go over your nipple and somehow (Lord only knows) it stops your flow and hides your now Ginormous nipples! Ha ha! So I ended up breastfeeding until the day before my daughter turned one. One full year of breastfeeding. some of the worst minutes of my life, but most of the best! I would say if you can make past the first few weeks, you will do great. The closeness you feel is absolutely precious! The feed before bedtime when she would fall to sleep in my arms was beautiful...day after day after day!

Time gets away...

On August 18th we had a baby girl, Vivian Taylor Kirkpatrick. This was the day my life changed forever - what a blessing. She was very tiny at 5lbs. 15oz., but really long at 21in. The image above is just before delivery. It was a magic day, like none other. You try to imagine how this moment will be, but you have no understanding of the depth of your emotion on that day. I felt in a deeper more spiritual way, not only for my baby girl, but also for my love, my husband, my best friend! He and I made a magnificent thing, a living breathing child - we made her - how incredibly cool is that!?!

So as you will notice by the date of this post. Time really HAS gotten away from me. I will try to be better as I feel it is good to log your fears, worries, excitement, joys, pains and all of other emotions you feel as a new parent. I will try to recap and catch us up to date in the next several postings. But for now, I had better get on with my day - I have a play date with a very special 1 year old.

Week 37 - Perspective

I thought I might give you a bit of perspective into how much your body changes when you are pregnant. It is an amazing transformation and an incredible process, but is also a crazy wild ride! I have gained about 30 pounds thus far and my doctor seems quite pleased with that. I, on the other hand, am beginning to have a difficult time looking at myself in the mirror. I think my belly is beautiful - big and round and shiny because my skin is so tight, but it is when I look at my buns and my legs that I feel like a stuffed pig on a rotating spit. That's cowboy speak for really really fat! My husband says I still look beautiful to him and I think that is the only thing keeping me somewhat sane when it comes to body image. If he can still love me then I can still love me I guess! :)

The excitement keeps building and the anticipation of our arrival is becoming nearly unbearable. I just can't wait to cuddle up to our son or daughter. I am looking so forward to simply seeing our baby for the first time! It will be incredible!

Week 36 - What is up with my feet

The doctor calls it Edema, I call it a bad case of ELEPHANT FEET! I guess it is pretty common amoung pregnant people, but I sure have not seen signs of it in the maternity magazines - do they airbrush those models too?

We, my husband and I, are desparately trying to get Baby K's nursery in order and since we only have 4 weeks the pressure is on. We had our first baby shower last week hosted by my Mother and it is so humbling to have so many people excited about the birth of your child. We are beginning to feel a little bit more prepared, but I feel parenting is basically an ongoing learning experience. Once we get the diapers and feedings and such in order then the baby learns to walk and you have a whole new set of rules to play by! I am really looking forward to it all. I have wanted a baby for so long and having found the right man; I scooped him up, married him and am having our first child in a matter of about 1 year...poor guy (married in Sept. and found out about our bundle in December)! Life comes at you fast, for everything else there is MasterCard...ha ha!

Week 35 - Ready to POP

Well I am officially ready to pop! I feel like my belly drags on the ground in between my waddling legs! Everyone tells me that I am small, but I feel like a blimp at times, especially when the heat index is something like 105 degrees! I really have loved being pregnant, but I do believe the time has come to meet my little bundle. I am ready! Well ready to hug and kiss my baby, not exactly ready for something 7 to 9 pounds to explode out of me! Women have done it for hundreds of years and I can too, I repeat to myself about 10 times a day. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

More to come!